When I was in the country
10, 11 years old
lying in the tall grass
with the sun on me
and the wind whistling
off in the distance
you could hear a dog
barking and a distant
airplane and the drone,
the drone of insects.
I’d have to be 3, 4, 5
somewhere in there
lying half awake half
asleep on the back
seat as my parents
drove the car and
the hum of the motor
and the movement of
the car and the drone
it was magic
plus being so
safe and protected
your parents are up
front and you don’t know
yet that you’re poor,
you’re different.
You’re protected,
magic innocent time,
before human darkness.
On the obverse side of
that
we lived in the country
I went to Freshman Prom
my father was driving us back
my girlfriend and I
were in the back seat
it was dark
and you had the drone
of the car
the cars were louder
then, you moved more
the suspension was
different back in the 50s
we’re on a back
country road pure dark
with the headlights going
down the road
and for the first time ever
I put my left hand on
her breast, I was 12,
she was 13
and just as I touched her breast
my father hit a deer
my brain wouldn’t function
I thought I was just so bad
God had struck a deer or
something
That’s twice I’ve been in
a car that’s struck something,
and twice I’ve been in a car
that’s rolled over.
And two motorcycle crashes.
**
I actually got her
brassiere off for the first time
in her father’s hay loft
after 4H club meeting at their place
she was like 13,
they were so small and firm
it was like true magic,
resilient.
I’ve always liked
that hay barn 4H club father
Norman Rockwell twist
I have a truly strange past
**
My freshman year was the
last in the country
the next year I started
in the city and stealing cars
**
I was also a year early
for all of this because I’d skipped
a grade, 6th grade.
There were three of us
in a two-room school house
1-4 grades in the one room
and 5-8 in the other
so I listened to the 5th grade
lessons and I listened to the 6th
grade lessons and the 7th and 8th
when the year was over
they were closing the school
so they tried to skip all three of us to the
7th grade.
The man/wife teachers actually
lived in a cottage
on the schoolgrounds
Going a mile the other way
was the two-room, white wooden
church
you’re talking Waltons here
My same girlfriend, the 13 year old
was teaching the younger kids
at Sunday school and I ran my
hand up her dress behind her
into her panties
and she just kept on teaching.
I went very fast from the first
touching of her breasts to
trying to get as much
unclothed as possible
so I started kissing and
undressing girls at a very
young age but didn’t lose
my virginity until 17,
which is kinda late for some ppl
**
Pam, I think her name was,
huge breasted person
she’d desperately wanted to have sex
she was a year younger than I was
she was 16
and in retrospect she might
have already been pregnant
she might have been trying
to make me the father
but I was home on first leave
and before I went into the service
she had taken her bra off
showed me her breasts
said she wanted me to have
something to remember
to bring me back
very
effective technique
we’re at my house
my parents are out playing poker
my sister was there
Pam and I are in the bedroom
Pam wants to have sex
I’m scared as hell
never having done it
so I insist that I have to go out
and get a condom
because I’m also scared of getting
someone pregnant
I’d never gotten a condom before
and that was pure torture
coming back
I wanted to make sure I knew how to use them
so I pulled off the road
unzipped my pants,
gave myself an erection
put one on in a trial run
go back and get ready to have sex
in my bedroom,
and my younger sister
starts banging on the door
to irritate us
so I take Pam, get her dressed
take her in the car to where my
parents are playing poker
cuz besides being a bricklayer
my parents are also co-owners
of The House of Mavericks
an antique used stuff store, low end
I ask my parents for the keys
to the store
I take Pam over there
and we have sex in one of
the beds that are for sale
but part-way thru sex,
my first sex ever, which seemed
to be working fine,
the bed collapses, breaks.
The mattress crashes
at an angle, and we finish
having sex, laugh, put it together
give my parents the keys and
go on home.
**
I went off to electronics school
I sent her money back
because we were going to get married
she was banking it
comes Christmas
I’m gonna fly home
use part of the money she’s banked
only there’s no money
and no girlfriend
she was pregnant at the time
we made love
or very soon after
now she was huge in the belly
living with an American Indian
she wasn’t speaking to her parents
and her mom and dad felt so bad
that they flew me home for leave
I had dinner with them
got the whole story
where she was
so I went over to the Indian’s place
she and I went for a walk
and she had this huge, huge
belly
I’d never seen a belly that big
I talked her into that night
letting me take her back to
her parents for dinner so they
could reconcile and after dinner
she and I necked and petted
in the front seat of my car
it was the most erotic thing
to have this big creature of skin,
everywhere
I never saw her again
or her parents
**
My parents had two businesses,
the first was The Misfits, the
second was The House of Mavericks
so you might say my attitude
ran in the family.
They were always trying something
just never seemed to go their way
But we had love, had good times
had a lot of laughter
for a deviant I have a pretty
rich, full childhood
going good in a world that isn’t good
is almost as bad as being a juvenile delinquent.
**
My second sexual experience
was the same leave
I had sex with a second person
at her place
I’d won some Elvis trivia question
on the Radio and won a giant
cardboard cutout of Elvis in his
shooter pose and the local
president of the Elvis Presley
fan club called me saying how
much she wanted it
and I don’t think I ever heard
such a sexy voice in my life
so I found out where she lived
one night
I go over there and
I put Elvis inside her screen door,
rang her bell and left.
I mean, you would fight
for that woman just by her voice.
She invited me back over
for sex.
She was 33, I was 17.
She was large. And her
teeth weren’t very nice
but she was a nice person
and she had a hard life, too.
When I was at the Naval
Academy she sent me nude
pictures of her and I thot that
was nice, friendly sort of mail
There were a couple years with
no sex there after that
Once I got going again
it lasted pretty regular there for a while
until I opted out, quit.
Sex has never been
the major part of my life
but courting has,
romance, the dancing
the chase — always been
real good at that.
Good and poetic in the chase
useless for the long run.
And now I ran from you,
and you got me for the long run.
 – this is a kathy/steve collaboration