Walking on Thin Ice

lady k kills the pirated movie we just watched (sofia coppola’s marie antoinette - 2006), “i bit bucketed it”. i ask her if that’s how she’s going to dispose of me when i go - “no, i’m going to recycle you, maybe make you into brownies.” at least i won’t have those old bit bucket blues.

5 days left in our french love nest. i like it here. i’m not prepared to leave. i’m ready to move on. i’m not prepared to stay. sort of like my life - i like being me, i don’t like being me. but bottom line, there’s no one past present future living dead i’d rather be than me, and i’d rather be alive than dead - so i guess i gotta be me. my options are somewhat limited - be me, not be me, be alive, not be alive. besides, lady k isn’t done sucking all my past stories from these bones. she finds me more interesting than i do, but i do lick myself incessantly anyway.

what is the sound of one hand clapping?
- patting yourself on the back.

finally created a knock knock joke:

knock not.
who’s there?
- not the world, knocked much longer.

not knock.
who’s there?
- knock the world, not much longer.

there, i now have 6 categories of original jokes…

my chicken crossing the road joke:

double cross
why did the chicken cross the road?
- to get revenge for the road crossing him.

my grape joke:

what’s purple, really angry, and you’d better stay out of their way?
- the grapes of wrath.

my cop jokes:

What do you call an honest cop? - mythological.
What do you call a dead cop? - necessary.

my abortion joke:

Persian abortion - stuff snake up snatch, turn mongoose loose.

add in my zen koan jokes, my knock knock jokes, and i’m ready for the big time. i could be the steven wright of sufi stand-up comedy.

one more zen koan joke:

why is the sound of one gland collapsing?
- what the right gland giveth, the wrong gland taketh awry.