WALKING ON THIN ICE

HYENA CLITS and YODA BLOOD, other tales from the RICH WORLD ESTABLISHMENT

“So the Internet’s buzzing that it’ll be between Clinton and Giuliani.”

“Yuck,” I say. “I’m voting Green. You know, I don’t trust the Dems any more. Obama came in looking all pretty — but it turns out he’s scum. All options on the table and that kinda talk. There’re only a couple decent Dems left.”

“Yeah, maybe John Edwards.”

“The rest are controlled by the corporations.”

“You know, it’s illegal for a CEO to NOT kill babies.”

“What they need to do is make the laws the exact opposite of what they are,” I joke. “And all that Republican activism dismantling class action lawsuits, well that was just so people wouldn’t have any recourse against the corporations.”

“If we do manage to put in a decent honorable president, in a week the corporations or the military or the CIA or the Republicans would try to have him assasinated. Just like they did to RFK. JFK was killed cuz he tried to shut down the Vietnamese War and he didn’t give Cuba back to the gangsters.”

“Some people are advocating a military coup.”

“Yes, and I can’t believe it. Some commenter on a political site was advocating killing politicians.”

“Well, I think it’s the rage of the intelligent youth. They can’t get good jobs as easily. Like my brother. Extremely intelligent, but too shy. Does not have the social skills to get a good job.”

“Also, he looks alternative. So they’re punishing him for not conforming.”

“God. At least I’m thin now. That’ll help me if this creative investment we’re taking goes bust and I have to be a slave again, get a job.”

“Oh yeah. You’d be more hirable cuz you’re thin.”

“Sad world.” Although I don’t know if a Rich World establishment would hire me if they bother to google me.

“Besides, we only have to survive five more years. After that, there’s nothing to get jobs in.”

“It’s all like I thought it’d be. Bad.”

“It’s a weird cycle now. Three months ago, they said the polar ice was melting faster than they’d thought it was. Now this week, they say it’s even faster than they thought three months ago.”

I’m writing this down real fast. A fly attacks my hand. Steve squashes it.

“They like to bite me when I write. They’re very literary bugs. I gotta learn shorthand.”

We walk through a gas station. I pause to look at interesting collage garbage on the ground. A Moroccan interrupts us: “Are you looking for something?”

“No, we live right over there. Thanks.”

We scuttle across the street to the grocery store. I buy a bag of ten croissants, decent ones, for the equivalent of $2.40. I pull one out, and it’s the mother of all croissants, the largest one I’ve seen.

“Look at this. It’s huge.”

“That’s the queen.”

“It is? How do you know? Maybe it’s a male croissant.”

“No, croissants are matriarchal.”

“How do you know?”

“Just look at the curves. By the way, did you know that hyenas are matriarchal?”

“They are?”

“Yes. The clit of the hyena queen is like a penis. And another thing about matriarchies. You’d think they’d be kinder because they’re led by females. But the Queen Hyena had two daughter pups. Only one could be Queen, so she let one cub kill the other.

Besides, Mag Thatcher proved that women are just as fucked up as men, just as evil.”

“Yeah. Look at Hillary Clinton.”

“I don’t want to look at Hillary Clinton. She disgusts me. The thing is, it really bothers me that I still like Bill Clinton. And he’s a fucking son of a bitch! But he’s got charm. He’s just as bad as the rest of them.”

I remember the nineties, when Tony Blair was fondly referred to as Britain’s “Bill Clinton.” And Bush called for “compassionate conservatism.” We’re starting to recognize the shadow dancing.

* * *

“Well, I don’t have a blog today. Just some snips from commondreams,” says Smith.

I do have an article about Paris Hilton. She wrote a petition, said she provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.”

It’s like she’s saying, “You can’t send me to prison! I’m one of the beautiful people!”

“I think she’ll get a lot of valuable life experience in prison,” I say. “You did.”

“Well, you know what her agent said, don’t you? It’ll probably make her more of a celebrity than before.

It’s interesting about the agent. Her defense was, ‘I know I was on probation. But my agent told me it was alright to drive.’

Her agent actually testified that it was his fault. Judge refused to believe it. So she fired her agent.”

“Whoa…”

“And now she’s rehired the agent back. So within a couple days, he took the blame for her, got fired, said it was good for celebrity, and got hired! That’s man’s earning his percentage!”

“I wish we had an agent. You are the agent of chaos.”

* * *

Smith says something wise. Thinks about it, then says, “I have Yoda blood in me.”

“Yoda blood? Oh, is that one of the pints?”

We speculate that he’s got all kinds of weird blood because of almost bleeding to death from a hemorrhaged throat, just like Jack Kerouac.

“Now there’s an interesting scene I didn’t want to be the center of. I’m in the intensive care unit, bleeding to death. Doctor had just given me five units of blood. Then he takes my pulse. Turns to the other doctor, says, ‘Where is all this blood going?’

They thought five units was too much, but it wasn’t enough. The one doc said, ‘We’ll put one more unit in and see if it does the trick. After that, we’ll have to think about it.’

I don’t know what five units of blood is or how much is in the entire body, but the dipstick was way more than a quart down.”

* * *

I’ve read that the dollar is continuing to lose its value. One reason is because the government is trying to keep our exports cheap. But I think it also has something to do with our debt. Also read that the Euro is now more popular than the dollar for currency speculators.

I think the best way to protect money against inflation is to diversify the currencies - put your eggs in different baskets. But that’s just my opinion.

Dollar / British Pound
5 years ago: 1.45 dollars to pound
today: 1.99 dollars to pound

http://finance.yahoo.com/currency/convert?from=GBP&to=USD&amt=1&t=5y

Dollar / Euro
5 years ago: 0.9 dollars to euro
today: 1.35 dollars to euro

http://finance.yahoo.com/currency/convert?from=EUR&to=USD&amt=1&t=5y