forbidden zone
collage by smith
take the surreal genius of a 1930’s max fleischer betty boop cartoon starring cab calloway… add some monty python stop-action collage… mix in some dark david lynch with a dash of racism, camp, bathroom humor, and nudity… use live actors for half of it… turn it into a rocky horror type musical… make it black & white with the voices badly synched… spice with a bit of the three stooges, a dollop of irreverent tastelessness and some decent jazz - and you’d have a taste of Forbidden Zone (1980, 73 minutes), the latest film to make my fav cult movie list along with The Mechanic, Freaks, El Topo, Eraserhead, Hour of the Wolf, and The Fourth Man. there is no other movie even vaguely like it. you spend your time laughing, or shaking your head in disbelief saying no they couldn’t possibly be doing that, or both.
lady k asked me what i’d do if we ever got rich. told her that’s something i’d think about if it ever happened. but after yesterday’s aggravation of my pulled groin, i realize i’d put myself into the shop for repair. i’d have my missing teeth replaced, my eyesight adjusted, my groin repaired, and i’d get a bushy eyebrow transplant - maybe some cat whiskers sticking sideways out of my mustache as well. and we’d have lady skinned - she lost 130 pounds of flesh from 2000 through 2005, but the stretched skin remains… if it were removed, she’d be at her dream weight. and i think we’d get her a third breast because even numbers are just so so-so.
one reason i want repaired now is i believe our technological civilization will shatter once global warming breaks our habitat. the scientists say we’ve 50 years before earth becomes too harsh for humans… we know they lie a lot, so we figure we’ve 23 years max. i’d like to get fixed now while we still have the equipment, the electricity, and the skills.
and for you jokers who say i should have been fixed years ago, too late - i had a vasectomy in 1976 when i was 30. i’ve done my part for all of us by not making more me.
collage by smith
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