I like Lady. I think it’s a good story.
the plot to get whitey
the altar of art
clues for cleaner tools
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Some understandings for me:
Here are some understandings and certainties for me.
1. I refuse to be labeled, marginalized and dismissed.
2. If you look too deeply you can see any possibility, don’t make it true, tho.
3. I refuse to be shamed.
4. I refuse to shut up, and I refuse to explain myself if it doesn’t feel ready yet.
5. I’m a good artist with good judgment in my collaborations.
6. I want to figure out who I am through writing & finish this book but I’m going to treat myself more nicely.
7. I’m going to act in faith of best intention, and if I find that I was mean, I’ll try to explore that some more and find out why, but I’m not going to go digging into it without cause.
8. I don’t abandon friends who treat me with respect but I believe they can wait for me to come when I feel up to it, or they can knock on my door if they want to talk.
9. I trust my subconscious finds to lead me on a path, and the path can be chosen according to what makes me feel comfortable and healthy.
10. I believe in the autonomy of others yet there’s a serious problem in communication that needed to be addressed.
How interesting. Hmm. These seem mostly lessons I learned from Smith, and some are lessons I learned from me. The ten commandments. Well, I always had a Christ complex, born on Christmas plus or minus an Eve. (It’s for real.)
My voices helped me find more of myself as I held every pebble, sometimes hard, sometimes softly, for a mystery about finding ground that isn’t haunted. I think I tapped into it because there are a lot of things making me angry and they needed expression.
I also found I like to use things as things rather than people. I think that’s a lesson learned too. Could be the eleventh commandment.
There are lots of good lessons. Each poem I put up in my zine is a lesson to me and if you are interested in what went where, why and what order I can share that with you. For example the title GIVING IN means to go all out for excellence in editing, selections and presentation, and evolution is a personal metaphor to be explored.
Had a good day today yesterday, slept real well last night. Realized I hadn’t written something for myself for a long time. Felt good and bad to tap into the magic, and then work my own. Not sure I want to write poetry unless it’s full flung manna, entire and unsought delivered whole unto me and not tricked into a miserable being. There are many ways to show aptitude and it’s not a competition, but a coalition.
Digging into the voices just for the heck of a good mine or to chisel a point is a little tainted ape for me, so back off and go tear down your own dream. I think we got enough pie to have some pie fights, enuff stuff to satisfy everyone. What I see is my own problem, likewise for thee. Remind me to tell you about how artists need support to make a living.
There are several rafts on my planet that feel good. Some metaphor magic I need to do to peace my mind. We got a ghost story I saw on the sidewalk, a holy dinner, the plot to get whitey and other lessons, the holiness of ego in the pursuit of excellence and why that’s a good story, magic rituals for beautiful angel apes who I love, and a poem about salt faces, come to mind. Some stories are deserved and hard earned.
The difference between Smith and me: Smith is gentle with himself, whereas I am obsessed for perfection.
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