WALKING ON THIN ICE

wild purple penis plant - foto by smith

i have a purple penis, and dark blue balls.

two days after the hernia operation, my penis began going purple. now the whole thing’s gone. ridged purple, like an elephant trunk. only in my case a very small elephant, one that wouldn’t scare a mouse - more like an elephant in Todd Browning’s film The Devil Doll (1936) where Lionel Barrymore learns how to shrink animals and people in Africa down to 5 inch heights, then returns to London wearing a dress and uses his little people to wreck vengeance on those who wronged him. (fabulous flick). maybe i can use my purple penis to wreck vengeance on the world. i’d show you a foto of it, but myspace says it’s too small to exhibit, that i have to throw it back.

maybe i can work out a sister-city-ship with Blue Ball, Pennsylvania. Blue Ball isn’t all that far from Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

and i keep hearing The Purple Penis Eater by Sheb Wooley - the original song said purple penis, but the flat earth bushites made em change penis to people - which is cool cuz penis is how people is made. as you can see, we had serious song lyrics back in the day.

Song Lyrics: “The Purple People Eater”
Recorded by: “Sheb Wooley”
Written by: (Sheb Wooley)
Single: Released - June, 1958

Well I saw the thing comin’ out of the sky
It had the one long horn, one big eye
I commenced to shakin’ and I said “ooh-eee”
It looks like a purple eater to me

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
(One-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater)
A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)

Well he came down to earth and he lit in a tree
I said Mr. Purple People Eater, don’t eat me
I heard him say in a voice so gruff
I wouldn’t eat you cuz you’re so tough

It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned flyin’ purple people eater
One-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me (One horn?)

I said Mr. Purple People Eater, what’s your line
He said it’s eatin’ purple people and it sure is fine
But that’s not the reason that I came to land
I wanna get a job in a rock and roll band

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin’ purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin’ purple people eater
(We wear short shorts)
Flyin’ purple people eater
Sure looks strange to me

And then he swung from the tree and he lit on the ground
He started to rock, really rockin’ around
It was a crazy ditty with a swingin’ tune
Sing a boop boop aboopa lopa lum bam boom

Well bless my soul, rock and roll, flyin’ purple people eater
Pigeon-toed, undergrowed, flyin’ purple people eater
I like short shorts
Flyin’ little people eater
Sure looks strange to me (Purple People?)

And then he went on his way, and then what do ya know
I saw him last night on a TV show
He was blowing it out, a’really knockin’ em dead
Playin’ rock and roll music through the horn in his head

(clarinet solo)

Tequila

purple hand from touching purple penis - foto by smith