1956 – foto Smith
Scat Box
Going through 500 poems
left from the untossed or lost past 49 years
I see a lot of dead Smiths
castoff skins
– drunk Smith
– mainline Smith
– cocaine Smith
– Nyquil Smith
– celibate Smith
– fat Smith
– smash Smith
all true at time
but lost left outgrown
or simply re-known
yet those dead shed snake skin Smiths
often unworthy insensitive sly
selfish weak wandering
needed to be
to get me to me
further down the line
those thens to these nows
just as imperfect present be
grows better future me
cuz me now
know me ow
and wheres and whens need fixing.
Of course knowing ain’t doing
and moving ain’t done
but doing the pruning
lets in more sun.
— Smith, 7.1.2012
1963 – foto Smith
1974 – foto Smith
1975 – foto Smith
1990 – foto Smith
1994 – foto Smith
1995 – foto Smith
2004 – foto Smith
There are 57 chronological mugshots of me from 1946 through 2006 online at agentofchaos.com/mugshots.php . . . it is quite a strange metamorphosis. Or as they say in the trade, what a long strange trip it’s been.
I wish I kept a consistent journal of life events over many years like you seem to have thru your writing and your poetry. It seems to afford an important perspective for you. You can look back and read, see… how you’ve changed. Not just in general terms but specific ones. And, actually see how much you’ve matured over time.
Softened especially, from the sound of your self reflections. It reminds me of a metaphor the masons use… “smoothing the rough ashlar”.. they use it in reference to a young mason’s moral development in the craft. I suppose we do smooth our own ashlars if we are truly conscious of how we have to fit into society…
I do have maybe 30 private journals from 1968 thru 1990s, and my poetry and AgentofChaos do provide a lot of my past — however, I haven’t gone back and read any of it…. all this is just from my memory.
If I ever do go back and read the journals, there’ll be an explosion of output and probable self-revelation.