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Mandy

Death by Credit Card

Her body old,
her weight gone,
frame down to bone and fur
her love for us still bright,
she was done,
had had it,
cancer,
pain.

She rubbed unsteady against my ankles,
looked up
and howled piteously for release.

I felt shame
because I hadn’t loved her enough
to kill her yesterday.

Next day we lay her on vet’s table
on a warm blanket,
pet her awhile,
and talked.

I knealt
and we locked eyes,
the tip of my finger
between the pads of her paw
as she held me.

When the drug hit
I saw no fear,
she just looked up and away
in brief startle,
and was gone.

Such a small creature
for so immense an impact,
blackhole of loss.

First time I’ve paid to have love killed
and we had to put it on credit.

(for MandyCat 2002-16)

– Smith, 12.21.2017




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