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‘i took my bra off the other day, and this fell out.’ kathy shows me a small metal washer i’d given her for collage, which she rediscovers in her pocket while we wait for the bus. sez, ‘hmmmm, looks like a nipple ring.’ i offer right then and there to see if it would fit her, but she says she’ll check it herself. so at the bus stop across from the big food store in pula she puts her hand inside her blouse and bra and tries it on… says “the nipple’s too big, or too soft,’ and loses the washer in her bra. this is the kind of wife every one should have.
my heart still skips beats whenever it feels like it – right now it beats 15 stop 10 stop 11 stop 5 stop 10 stop 5 stop… while an hour ago it was beating in the 30s before stopping and before that i didn’t catch it stopping at all.
now next morning it’s steady. getting up knowing there’ll be no coffee (day 3 without) and having to check your heartbeat to see if you’re still alive takes some of the joy from the day. but i’m not actually worried anymore because it’s been 5 days and i’m still alive and the emergency room said not to worry unless it becomes a constant 5 beats and a stop. besides, this could have been going on for months – i never bothered to listen before. still, it leaves these sneaky little echoes in your mind, especially when i sit and read and it goes back to 5-5-5.
needless to say, kathy has been somewhat frazzled by all this – tho devastated would be closer to the truth. it is amazing how much she loves me. and vice versa. told her i’m saving up all these missing heart beats to use later at the other end when i run out.
find sex jumpstarts the heart to a skipless beat… and we took a 2 hour walk down to the sea which kept it steady. realize now our long walk to the emergency room got my heart beating again so i got a good ekg… if this continues, we’ll go back and get off right at the hospital now we know where it is. maybe just like a shark i have to keep moving to live.
and in synchronistic mutual metaphoric solidarity, the furnace here keeps going out… a little red light comes on and i have to press a red button to prime the gas to restart. both my heart and the heat are working intermittently. wonder where my little red light is.
sara holbrook and michael salinger – 2 poet writer teacher friends from cleveland – arrive this weekend for a visit. they’re over here to give a workshop in zagreb. be nice for kathy to have someone to talk to for a couple days. me, i’m the weak soylent type.
once they leave, i’m going to have this checked out again. i find it disquieting to walk around with an uncertain heart. (that sounds rather poetic).
dreamt last night the gods were breaking each tomorrow off from its template stick and soaking it in ambrosia before activating it so we’d enjoy it more.
looks like russia’s killing their former kgb agent in moscow who killed their ex-spy in london so the london police can’t question him. his london hotel room was contaminated with polonium 210 and 7 hotel workers were contaminated. he’s in a coma now, and the only way for him to become deathly sick this long after litvinenko’s death would to be poisoned afterwards by his masters. or else, the reports of him being in a coma are lies, which would accomplish the same thing. say hello to the new boss… same as the old boss.
