Month: November 2007

  • blackie, elf ears, mighty mouth, gnat

    foto by smith explanation of following journal excerpt – i’d served almost 10 of my 11.5 month jail sentence for armed robbery when the warden and the guards went to the judge and convinced him to let me out 36 days early. (i apologize for using bigot words back then. i don’t anymore) 2 december […]

  • I want to believe in an absolute reality

    friend’s studio, photo by Lady I haven’t read much about post structuralist thought but I was talking to someone who had. He said that everything is subjective – historical narratives, ideas of good and evil… something to think about. My mind tends to reject complete subjectivity. I want to believe in an absolute reality. Yet […]

  • mind jump juxtaposing

    sculpture & foto by smith lady and i are hooked on reading my 40 year old private journals. soap opera raw honest and true. i’m not the “me” i remember me being. for example, i’d forgotten the violence in the first year of my marriage. scary the way my mind lightened that dark, made everything […]

  • messing around before and after

    foto by smith here’s a bit of green-eyed jealousy from my private journals from almost 40 years ago. it appears my wife was messing around before and after we married. 15 June, 1968 I guess I’m no, start over… I trust a person completely until something shakes me and then I’m never sure… after our […]

  • worker, lover, drugger, writer, liar

    foto by smith finished reading my 2nd journal written between december 1968 and june 1969. my life’s sort of sad then – always working, broke, in debt, doing drugs, going out with my future wife, lying to everyone, and yearning for the sleep i never got due to the drug life i was hiding from […]

  • oct 19, 1968 – quite a night last night…

    foto by smith wife’s typing my second journal into the computer. i just finished reading the 1st one (31 march 1968 through 28 november 1968). i’ve tried to read these journals before (i have maybe 30 from 1968 through the 1980s), but my immaturity and over-inflated ego always put me off after a few pages, […]


    friend’s studio – photo by lady “Why do I feel guilty?” You’re a good rat. Don’t worry. We’ve ordered a guilt-free brain for you. “Hm.” It hasn’t arrived. They’re like free range chickens. Free range brains. “Hm. I like the idea of a guilt free brain. But people can rationalize anything, can’t they.” One can […]

  • summing up 1968

    Sphinx – Smith by Smith (Manipulated Polaroid) 3 Jan 69… Were I to sum up 1968 I’d say dope… first turned on January 20… kicked out of Academy Feb 22… heavy dope since… 24 hallucinogenic trips since May 18… have had a needle in my arm 23 times in 19 goes… and now I’m sposed […]

  • context call

    foto by smith “You got way too much context to call on,” my wife says to me. she’s reading my private journal from 1968. words of my unformed was, a was who moved in shallow. words older than she written by a me much younger. but there are stories therein. i began the journals a […]

  • miss messaged

    foto by smith Wall Street Pushing through the night Eastward to the moon Not yet risen, False dusk of reason dons Its mantis mating respectability Sans honor, self or soul. Money talks of dawn, damns The discarded husk of culture And enlightens genes for green, Without the warranty. i think of all that is wrong […]