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...and they lived happily ever after. Smith & Lady: poets, artists, photographers & adventurers.
Our relationship was forged to the soundtrack of Yoko Ono's magic,
frenetic, love-laden song, "Walking On Thin Ice." ( play song )

mind jump juxtaposing

sculpture & foto by smith

lady and i are hooked on reading my 40 year old private journals. soap opera raw honest and true.

i’m not the “me” i remember me being. for example, i’d forgotten the violence in the first year of my marriage. scary the way my mind lightened that dark, made everything better over the years.

reading these is invigorating, makes my mind jump juxtaposing what i remember with what i wrote at the time. triggers all kinds of reflection. a lot of good stories from long ago when i was quick and limber.

and some nasties . . .

29 July 1969
So much pain in my right arm… I slugged the bed so hard I pulled something… Robin and I are having our worst fight ever – she yelled at me for so long I put my hand over her mouth she scratched I shoved her against the wall she kneed me quite painfully I slapped her and we went downhill from there… I yelled at her loud enough for the whole apartment to hear for about 15 minutes and it finally ends up with her vowing never to speak to me again and me replying I won’t eat until she does – and I won’t either… does this have to happen every 28 days – she’s around 80% in the wrong this time and I’m about 60% in the wrong… she’s so – I started to say non human but maybe it is I who am the non human one. Must go console her now even though I feel so much anger at what she’s done… the main thing she’s done is broken me down once again proving I can’t control myself.

30 Dec 1969
It’s raining as I sit in the car during lunch hour – the vending machines didn’t work and when I got a hot can of macaroni the can opener broke – Robin went vicious again last night – I became displeased with her so she first got mad, then cried then, when I ignored her and tried to go to sleep, she came in and drenched me in verbal filth and hate and finally flew into a rage and attacked me beating my back lower spine and buttocks as hard as she could with her angry little fists – and today I hurt. I’m not sure where the answer is – I know I should do something. I don’t know… I think I’ll care, but later – there’s just too much.

“Expect poison from the standing water.” – William Blake, from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

foto by smith

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