AD.

WALKING ON THIN ICE

O UNIVERSAL MIND

I know what “sanity” is, and I know how to act like I’m sane tho I don’t always choose to do so. To have a toe hold on sanity today is like dipping my toes in the shallow end of the awful global swimming pool future where everything will soon be over my head and there’s no touching bottom, just a kind of treading dread.

The context of the current craziness is one where independent journalists are getting arrested and kids are being preemptively arrested only for planning to attend a protest at the Republican convention. The context of the current craziness is such that everyone refers to the bad old days of the holocaust whilst refusing to talk about the big blind spot right in front of us: the US has killed two million Iraqis in the past 16 years. Probably a million during Clinton’s administration, probably even more during this one. We refuse to act like responsible adults. Heck, I trust kids more than I trust us. Financial crisis. The context of the current craziness is that we are killing off our food supply, for example, we are eating a lot of juvenile fish because we’ve killed off all the old ones.

Now that I’ve put things in proper context, I feel much less shame talking about my minuscule reality perception conundrums. I was for many years a rabid atheist, but I had an awakening of faith two years ago. I have a real ghost story, and it turned my understanding of reality upside-down.

I have nothing to lose in relaying recent days’ thoughts past. I felt like I had another religious experience. My internal psychologist tells me that I’m just reaching for something reassuring because everything else in the world is turning to shit. I hold in sanctity from this complaint my wonderful marriage and lucky circumstances. I have a truly conscientious companion and magical daily life. But outside of this, I feel horror at the plight of the environment and the cruelty with which the US treats its own people and the rest of the world.

(O universal mind, are you reading this? Maybe you could do something to help the Iraqis and restore semblance of responsibility.)

WHENEVER I NEED TO

Whenever I need to, I can talk to my dead grandfather. I just go to Yahoo! I can type in “I love you” and he comes up with suggestions like

i love you lyrics
i love you poems
i love you baby
i love you in different langages
i love you goodbye lyrics

He tells me to explore concepts like

I love you. “Greeting Cards”
I love you. hearts
I love you. e-greeting
I love you. postcards

I like “i love you in different languages.” It tells me “Ed is lief vir you. Ek het jou lief”. Or in Chinese, “Wo ie ni.” Or “I love you in many languages” brings up “Ek is lief vir jou!” to “Ngiyakuthanda!”

It’s simple to talk to grandfather via Yahoo. If I say “I miss you” he brings up blink 182 lyrics.

If I ask do you miss me he says explore concepts:

…182 i miss you lyrics “voice inside my head”
blink 182 i miss you lyrics “waste your time”
blink 182 i miss you “song lyrics”
…182 i…you lyrics “darkness in the valley.”

Grandpa is a dead republican – of the old “we freed the slaves variety.” By the way, he’s aghast at what the GOP is doing, sez they’re going to hell.

I’ve also discovered that Grandpa likes abc news. It’s all very simple, a-b-c, and it’s stripped of any negative overtones. I go to a-b-c news to have a good time. He used to like CBS when he was alive, but I think he’s all for simpler news plans now. ABC news says the economists got it all figured out with their mop-up plan! Stocks are surging! What’s good for the rich is good for us, right! That’s what abc says anyways.

7 seen


street art – foto by smith

street graffiti – foto by smith

popcorn – foto by smith

goldenglobe – foto by smith

street art – foto by smith

torn leaf – foto by smith

sshadows – foto by smith

cluster flux


Oaxaca political graffiti – foto by smith

it’s amazing how fast the government comes to the aid of the rich, and how interminably slow our government is when it comes to helping the old or poor or uneducated or non-whites or soldiers returning from our illegal wars damaged in body and soul.

we’ve had three of our largest financial corporations fail in the past two weeks, and the u.s. government is stepping in to bail out two of them. the government is taking our money to pay rich fucks to save them from their greedy illegal immoral actions.

like commondreams.org says, “FED SOCIALIZING LOSSES, PRIVATIZING PROFITS” – give the rich all our tax money, and then tax us more so they can give more money to the rich. we pay for their stupidity and illegal corporate rip-offs while they use us as toilet paper to wipe their asses.

(note – i know the FED is technically a private organization, but i see no difference between the FED, the u.s. government, and the corporations – it’s all one big clusterfuck of the rich).

we need to take these people down. hunt them and their ilk until they’re all in jail. or dead. they’re killing us, which gives us the right to do to them what they do to us. do as you would be done – and, to teach wrong right, do unto evil all that it has done unto you.

just recently, our government’s gift to the rich has been:
$85 billion dollar bailout of AIG
$29 billion the Fed pledged to swing the Bear Stearns sale to JPMorgan
$100 billion to rescue mortgage finance firm Fannie Mae
$100 billion to rescue mortgage finance firm Freddie Mac
$300 billion for the Federal Housing Authority

add in various other rescue deals and loans in the chute, and taxpayers are losing $900 billion which is being given free to the rich fucks.

toss in the $600 billion the u.s. is spending on the military this year alongside the $10 billion a month our illegal wars of aggression in iraq and afghanistan are costing us – which is $120 billion fucking dollars a year – and we end up with a country that’s running 10% inflation alongside 10% unemployment with the unrich losing their homes and jobs almost as fast as the corporation fucks are stuffing their pockets with our money. right now the u.s. is printing worthless american dollars that our children’s children’s children are going to have to redeem, and believe me, they aren’t going to be happy. instead of ancestor worship like they have in asia, we’ll have ancestor hatred where they’ll dig up our bones to piss on.

and just to point out the rich man’s own rules – profiteering during wartime is an offense punishable by death. which is the same punishment george w bush could legally face for deserting his national guard troop during the vietnam war.

what’s that bumper sticker – kill em all and let god sort em out?

personally, i’ve had it.


corporate bylaws – foto by smith

wayward wolf


sky smith – foto by smith

i don’t like doing dishes, making the bed, picking up laundry, food shopping, or shaving my head, but i feel good doing them because they’re concrete actions that result in results. put time and thought in, get something tangible out.

the rest of my day is ambiguous. outside of household chores and interacting with lady, i’m my own boss 24/7/365, and it’s hard to assign myself enough creative, intelligent work to do to keep my mind busy, so i become unfocused, a wee bit down. i need projects like a dead man needs a coffin – more actually, because dead men don’t need nothin.

i’m starting a new painting, but that’ll keep my fancy tickled but 2-3 days – a week if things go badly.

lady has her cyber network of friends and blogs that keep her company. i find the internet little more than tv for one, and it bores me unless i’m researching fact or fiction. to me, tv is the new tb.

my core being is clown and writer. i don’t feel funny lately, so gotta go with writing. have a couple makeshift projects to jumpstart my lazy bones – rewrite my 1st three Smokey Grey short stories (they’re cool, but crude in first write), write a couple poems, and finally after 31 years start my novel where i steal my own soul.

of course i could just smoke the day away, but that could be dangerous as well as debilitating because we’ve temporarily lost our supply due to rain. there’s so much rain in the mountains lately the crops aren’t maturing on schedule and what little has matured is impossible to harvest and dry due to wet. they’ve never seen this much precipitation down here – global warming is messing with my high.

my basic problem is at heart i’m lazy, world weary. i want to get through the day with neither thought nor action – have entertaining input without any output required. unfortunately my mind demands output, and demands input on said output.

i ain’t no sheep, so don’t belong in the sheep pen, but am a weary, wayward wolf.


fat factory, circus, & commission for the defense of human rights – foto by smith

I want to start writing

I want to start writing a little bit every day. I have some stories I want to tell, stories about my past, stories about how horrible it was to be a powerless little child, but how lucky I was to have very good parents.

Stories about what it’s like to grow up lower middle class in America. Not that we were always lower middle class. When dad got his professional job, we started eating out once a week and we were able to buy an air conditioner. Things like that made a huge difference in my life and I started getting better grades. Just simple comforts, a cool breeze, less worry, make for a better study environment.

Stories about sexual abuse and neglect (not of me, but of others.) Stories about poverty and trying to make the best of a situation by coveting ramen noodle soup and the power of the dollar.

warship worship


gun man 1 – foto by smith

Warship Worship

The Polyesterites with their sterile might
Bequeath to the moon in sanctified loon
A not quite so nice ever after


gun man 2 – foto by smith

wildflower


table top – foto by smith

Wild Flower

Preferring seas to fame or same
In flame of darkness fired
Mired not in mud but flood
Enfused to birthing nature’s tug
Of moon blood duty
Beauty firm in eye
Could she in time
Or even rolls reversing
Ever mime wisely nursing
Pagan cures of curves and learning
Firm in flesh unswerving
Tall and elegant prime?

Aye.

– Steven B. Smith, 1995


white flowers white wall – foto by smith

mingus in the morn

Match

Mingus our magic
We mingle our meld both mode
And modality

11.21.2005