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...and they lived happily ever after. Smith & Lady: poets, artists, photographers & adventurers.
Our relationship was forged to the soundtrack of Yoko Ono's magic,
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Archive for May, 2010

humans = weapons of ass destruction

Friday, May 14th, 2010

welcome to the future – foto by Smith

Wow. I was cleaning out my old files and found this Mass Ass Attack rant I wrote October 2007 after being back in America for a month from 14 months of living in Europe and Africa. It was then we decided we couldn’t abide the continuing crimes of the CheneyBush Beast and took off for 15 months in the mountains of Mexico.

Anyway, it’s a fairly lean clean collection of potential end-of-the-world doomsday sci-fi future existence scenarios sneaking up on us right now right out in plain sight.

This was my goodbye to America, yet 2.5 years after writing it I’m again living in the States, back in the system, fighting the flow.

Even though I think the human habitat is heading straight for the shake cycle, I’m still quite positive, upbeat, and optimistic because even as we go around and around down the drain there’ll still be packets and pockets of people and places to free range roam around. If we don’t kill the oceans outright, we can linger for decades, and it is my goal is to be the last humanoid standing.

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Mass Ass Attack

Good news for those with no retirement accounts, no future plans – the future ain’t what it used to be. It’s much smaller, for many a myriad multiplex of reasons.

Carbon dioxide is rising at a much faster rate than before in spite of efforts to reverse global warming.

In the 1990s, CO2 emissions increased 1.3% a year. Since 2000, in spite of trying to cut emissions, the growth rate increased to 3.3% per year.

Scientists are using the 1.3% rise to predict temperature increases.

So as bad as they say it is, it is minimum 3 times worse. Looks to me like the Mayans’ prediction of the end of times arriving December 21, 2012 is right on.

We’ve already passed the global warming disaster tipping point where all these symptoms combine to make it speed up due to interactive feedback.

The ice sheets in Iceland are moving in 90 minutes the distance the scientists said would take 10 years.

The oceans we count on absorbing all this co2 are super-saturated with it already and every month absorb less and less so things get worse even if we don’t make it worse.

And if the ocean’s temperatures rise much more, the massive amount of methane frozen on the ocean bottoms will melt, releasing it all back into our air. If that happens, we’re talking months, not decades before the end of days.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling.

Best do what you’ve always wanted to do now, say goodbye to the rest, bend over, spread your cheeks, and await the next “nothing’s wrong, everything’s hunky dory message” from your friendly politician or CEO.

And global warming is not our only worry.

Scientists are talking of drastically geo-engineering the earth to halt global warming – their schemes include dumping massive amounts of iron into the oceans to promote abnormal plankton growth to suck up the CO2… dumping massive amounts of sulfur into our upper atmosphere to bounce heat away from the Earth… to put 37,000 small mirrors in orbit around the Earth to reflect sunlight away.

Best kiss your ass goodbye right now – because these are the same folk who brought you Bhopal India, Chernobyl Russia, Three Mile Island America, Hiroshima Japan, and Ronald Raygun’s Star Wars system which still doesn’t work.

It gets worse.

The synthetic biofuels folk are thinking of creating new matter from DNA building blocks – and then releasing these untested newnesses into the world to interact with real matter.

Then there’s the threat of actual atomic war from the madmen who kidnapped the White House [this was written when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were in office], the threat of dirty atomic bomb suitcases exploded in American cities by the mad men fighting the madmen in the White House, the threat of genetically modified Frankenfoods wiping out the real edible foods, the threat of all the diseases and viruses our government’s experimenting with escaping into the world and creating Stephen King land.

Dumped so many antibiotics into our water tables that old fashioned defeated diseases are coming back as superbugs capable of wiping out continents. Not to mention the new flesh eating viruses they’ve found, and the bird flu swine flu frog flu blues.

There’s the threat from the huge ever increasing pile of trash toxins we’re dumping into our oceans which combine in unknown and unknowable ways while we’re raising the sea temperatures which will kill our coral, shut down our main ocean currents, alter the acidity of the seas, and murder our food fish.

There’s drought, rising sea levels, pollutants causing fewer males to be born (probably a good thing), the increase of serial killers and politicians.

There’s the ever increasing inequity between the rich and the poor which will lead to class war (I hope).

There’s the mysteriously dying disappearing bee population due to cell phones and Frankenfoods, so soon there’ll be no food blooming any more, which at least will solve our problem of too many fat Americans.

And it’s not just mankind fouling our own nest. We’re hundreds of thousands of years overdue for earth’s cyclic fadeout and realignment of the magnetic field, which tends to wipe out massive amounts of life. We’re hundreds of thousands of years overdue for an asteroid to hit earth and wipe out massive amounts of life.

And all this is just the tip of the rapidly melting iceberg. There’s more more more I’ve not touched on.

Who knows, maybe Earth’s library card is way overdue and we’re being recalled to the rack.

Whatever, we’re fluxed. So the now of your life and the no of your future are reduced to how you’re going to spend your remaining time.

Me, I’m spending it with my lady love in strange lands not named the Undeniable Mistakes of America.

May you live in interesting times.

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no exit – foto by Smith


food, neurotoxin, endocrine edition

Thursday, May 13th, 2010

eggs – foto by Smith

In honor of the Iranian proverb “Eat little, sleep sound” here’s my food, neurotoxin, endocrines issue of harvested headlines (hope I don’t get visited by the HomeLand Gestapo for quoting Iran).

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Happy Meal Doesn’t Decay After Sitting On Woman’s Shelf For A YEAR!

Feeding The Hole In The Soul

Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Microwave Meals

The KFC Double Down — One Sandwich To Kill You All

Two Men Jailed For Eating Teenage Girl: We ‘Were Hungry’

Giant meat-eating plants prefer to eat tree shrew poo

Sea Lions Executed For Eating Salmon

Swiss To Vote On Whether Animals Need Lawyers

Golf Ball, Sweat Pants: Biologists Shocked Of Garbage Found In A Beached Whale’s Stomach

Is There Arsenic In Your Apple Juice?

Chemicals in the Water Are Bending Genders in Wildlife — Is It Happening to Us, Too?

Males Hermit Crabs Are Becoming Females

Yummy! Ammonia-Treated Pink Slime Now in Most U.S. Ground Beef

Approval Of Food Additive “Meat Glue” Freaks People Out

Eat Your Trash AND Improve Your Cooking

140-year-old hot dog found at Coney Island

Is Bacteria From Factory Farming Killing Us?

Monsanto’s Genetically Modified Corn Linked To ORGAN FAILURE

Why Eating Meat-Shaped Vegetarian Food Is Like Having Sex with a Blow-up Doll

You Want Chicken Poop With That Steak? Why FDA Should Ban Feces From Feed

Underage Workers Describe BRUTAL Working Conditions At Iowa Food Plant

Are There Neurotoxins In Your Veggie Burger?!?!

Zinc Adhesives In Dentures Blamed For Nerve Damage

China Tainted Milk Problem Kept Secret For Months

Large Amounts Of Toxic Metal Found In Popular Kids’ Jewelry

Cops: Woman Spiked Margaritas With Anti-Freeze

American Meat Is Even Grosser Than You Thought

Pesticides In Your Toothpaste?

Drugs, Poisons And Metals In Our Meat: USDA Needs A Major Overhaul

Coca Cola’s Role in the Assassinations of Union Leaders Explored in Powerful New Documentary

Snakes ‘See’ Heat With Same Gene That Lets Us Taste Spicy Mustard

Salty, sweet: study says fat is the sixth “taste”

Fatty foods may cause cocaine-like addiction

Ex-military leaders: Young adults ‘too fat to fight’

Japanese Restaurant Celebrates Penis Festival

Stop Global Warming: Eat Peanut Butter and Jelly

Thief Breaks Into Restaurant To Cook Chicken, Leaves Cash, Dirty Dishes

McDonald’s Scraps Worldwide Composting Program Because Food Won’t Decompose

Danger Zone – foto by Smith


wrong ways and lack of means committee

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

1940’s political cartoon by Dr Seuss – foto by Smith

New-old odd surreal news headline bits and pleases from this Monty Python Land called Inhumane Life on Planet Earth — these have little practicality except as fertilizer for brain fodder or perhaps as evidence we should maybe change our ways and means committees.

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The Day After Tomorrow Might Have Been Yesterday

Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee

Why Do We Exist?

The Allure of Vibrating Panties

Human-Sized Lizard With Double Penis Discovered In Philippines

Collateralized Fish Obligations?

Some Things You Need To Know Before The World Ends

Who Are We? Experiments Suggest You’re Not Who You Think

Space Cars, Holographs, and Giant Babies

The Sci-Fi Roots Of Modern Fundamentalism

Are God And Sex Incompatible?

British Judge: Christian Beliefs Have No Legal Standing

Comedy Central Considering Show About Jesus Christ

How China Holds the American Economy by the Balls

India Has More Mobile Phones Than Toilets

Read What You Hate

Man Claims Police Beat Him Up Over A Poem

Suburban Woman JAILED Over ‘Offensive’ T-Shirt

School for Disabled Forces Students to Wear Backpacks That Deliver Massive Electric Shocks

Woman Finds Dead Rat In Chef Boyardee Can

Earth is over

Pelican Bites Bird Expert In The Groin On Live TV

In Search Of Heaven

Octopus Steals Diver’s Camera, Shoots Its Own Footage

Freaky Physics Proves Parallel Universes Exist

New Zealanders Outnumbered By Cows

Revenge of the Volcano Gods

Our Universe at Home Within a Larger Universe? So Suggests Physicist’s Wormhole Research


Journalism today: A haven for parasites and double-dealers

Baby Doll That Pees On Your Face

Jesus Vs. Christ

Who Would Jesus Hate?

What Evangelicals And Atheists Have In Common

The Return of Christian Terrorism

7,500 Online Shoppers Unwittingly Sold Their Souls

Knowing They Know That You Know

Are Americans as Stupid as the Media Think They Are? (Maybe)

In today’s media, substance is no match for BS

The Masses Can Be Asses


NO JOKE: Indiana Threatened By Giant Poop Bubbles

Drunk Man Arrested For Trying To Resuscitate Dead Possum

Putting The Ire In Satire

1942 political cartoon by Dr Seuss – foto by Smith



Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Lenny Bruce Land – foto by Smith



What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Patting yourself on the back.


Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get revenge for the road crossing him.


Knock not.
Who’s there?
Not the world, knocked much longer


What’s purple, really angry, and you’d better stay out of its way?
The grape of wrath.


What do you call an honest cop?


Persian abortion:
Stuff snake up snatch, turn mongoose loose.


What should you do if you see a drowning banker?
Toss him a hundred pound bag of pennies.


Why is the sound of one gland collapsing?
What the right gland giveth, the wrong gland taketh awry.


rose colored glasses – foto by Smith


Eagle Street Bridge

Monday, May 10th, 2010



talk show smith

Monday, May 10th, 2010

systems – foto by Smith

Life is more complex up here than it was in southern Mexico. It’s faster, more stressful and expensive, more painful too. But it is also more interesting, and inspires much more creation due to the greater mingling of artistic souls available here.

For example, Saturday a Detroit poet stopped by at noon and Lady fed us her delicious thick black bean soup. Afterward we went to the monthly open mic poetry reading at the Brandt Gallery only to find the venue locked, so we milled about on the corner awhile collecting strays and brought everyone back here and held the reading in our living room.

Saturday night I was a guest on The New Literary Cafe Talk Show, a local irregular internet production. I hadn’t seen any of their previous episodes and assumed it was a regular talk show, but it turned out to be much more surreal. The host — Dick Trainer — is of the Tony Clifton school of comedy where he becomes brash, loud, foul-mouthed, brags, is rude, self-centered, irreverent, politically and factually incorrect, and skip-about random. It was more drive-by mugging than interview and I’ve no idea whatsoever how I did because it was too fast and over with before I had a chance to look around. It’ll be online in a week or so and then I’ll know.

*update – Andy put up my portion of the show already at!/video/video.php?v=1445957555206&ref=mf — I come across as laid back and semi-lost, but not the total failure I had feared.

This all happened at The Literary Cafe (owned and operated by Linda & Andy), which has become quite the positive force for offbeat culture these past 3 decades– they hosted the Steve Goldberg / Nick Traenkner monthly poetry readings for years which proprietor Andy videotaped and put online on his blog every month; they have a weekly Friday night gathering of artists drawing a model; they host monthly art shows; and of course the talk show; plus there’s more I’ve forgotten. Andy has posted videos of Cleveland poets performing as far back as the 1980s (including me in a Wildflower reading in 1993 — in fact, I was surprised at a variety of mentions of me here and there in the poetry video archives).

Andy’s The Literary Cafe blog is at

his videos of poets reading since 2005 (including Lady and me) are at

while his 1980s and 1990s videos are at

(l to r) director Andy Timithy, tech Craig, host Dick Trainer – foto by Smith


Bat Boy Smith

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

smith and bat boy

We submitted this to–I think it’s for a chance for free tickets. You go to Capital Theater on Detroit and take a creative pic with Bat Boy. I did a lot of creative photoshopping.



worry worn and weary

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

worry – foto by Smith

Worry Wart

Worry is a weary wheel
which wears you down
juggling future lance
with will and won’t
and why not knots
predating date
preclimbing time
before the music starts
before the band is hired
before the song is written
before the whistle works

Worry is the wanton wastrel
whittling away while with why
when where and when are worthy

Worry whacks now with later
whores wit with wait
wets wow with whoa

Worry is the wuss what wins
the waste that warbles
unwonders the was
wilts the will

Worry’s won’t
woe’s wail

worry – foto by Smith


keep singing same old song, with new verses

Friday, May 7th, 2010

front of Smith’s reading book of poetry – collage & foto by Smith

Yesterday I gathered 270 of my poems from 1964 through 2010 into a handmade book for open mic readings around town and then made cover collages for them (see above, below).

I arranged the poems alphabetically by title, which amazingly changes everything because the poems no longer carry the expected weight of theme or quality or likeability or chronology — and of course this way I need neither index or contents. Reading alphabetically also leads to some delightfully unexpected juxtaposition of style, mood and subject matter.

My last handmade poetry reading book was five years old and about one quarter the number of poems, which means I’ve got much more ammunition for the open mics now. Plus I’ve not seen many of them for a decade or more so am getting a whole new appreciation of some of them. For example, Lady really likes this anti-TV one.

In the Temple of the Echo

In the Temple of the Echo
in the moment of the mind
in the error of the airwaves
in the arrows of the kind
lies a hurting healing
taking pleasure from the tried
to forgotten shadows
on the ladders of the blind

Oh take me to your leader
to the maker of this slime
and at their feet I’ll wallow
worshiping the awful
waste their shallow taste
brings life’s kine
Sheep sadly settled
graze government gray
cheap and badly saddled
approved payments pay
in first born chattel
less than cattle
while TV mentals
televise mime
breaking elemental
rights of mine
mind to mind

Hey in there . . .
anybody home?

– Steven B. Smith, 4-9-2005

Reading through them I feel good, will happily be judged by my own words past, present, future.

back of Smith’s reading book of poetry – collage & foto by Smith


The Temple of Lost Love

Friday, May 7th, 2010

1991. Frank Green set up a guerilla art installation. Beth Wolfe did a gorgeous mirror piece over there. Smith hung a couple assemblages he knew would be lost. He saw one person throwing old love letters in a fire. He saw another person burning bad art in a fire. Just a nice bonfire art party underneath the Eagle Street Bridge. And the fire station across the street misinterpreted what they saw and told the TV news people that there were “Satan worshippers” over there…

The Temple of Lost Love



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