tinsel tree – foto by Smith

How Do
(late winter letter to sister Sue)

Thousands of icicles hanging from tree branches outside window.
Snow falling from sky.
Electric heat eating up money.
First day without coffee, voluntarily.
Fourth day without grass, voluntarily.
Bad sleep last night.
Life goes on.
Waiting for spring and sun and some money from somewhere somehow.
How’s you?

— Steven B. Smith, 2-21-2011

This is my 3rd day coffee-less, and for February my 16th day grass-less because I abstained 12 days before buying six days worth to share with dinner guests, as a proper host should. I’ve been going a week without weed monthly since November because I knew we couldn’t afford it, but I always gave in and bought some. Next weed will be a week’s worth in a couple weeks to celebrate my 65th birthday. After that, only Sky God knows.

Lying in bed this morning I realized my morning cup of coffee was my daily reward for getting up, and marijuana my nightly reward for making it through the day.

My other three rewards for daily being are my wife’s love and companionship, our cat, and my writing. These three are essential, but they flux in and out of focus because wife and cat have their own flow of self need and actualization, while writing ebbs and flows in its own mystic go gone get. Wife’s flow is especially private lately as she dances with returning mania, leaving me outside her inner whorl.

whorl wife – foto by Smith

2 Responses

  1. Seeing you in the morning is my reward–you bringing Mandycat over to me, her curling her feet in your arms. I will sometimes coax her to get you up.

  2. well don’t give up everything… there still needs to be some pleasure in the world.

    As far as Lady dance with her as you can during these times… there seems a synchronicity that these come on just as the seasons begin to shift… almost a precursor of Nature’s flux.

    You’ve been very loving and supportive of her in these times.. she is very lucky to have you.. 🙂

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