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Archive for December, 2015

still petaling on

Sunday, December 20th, 2015


Status Report 143

Isn’t Lactations a book in the Old Testicle?

I’m so out of it I thought black Friday
was the character in “Robinson Crusoe.”

What do you call inferior parsnips? – Subpar snips

Went to buy a new penis, but didn’t know whether
to look in the hardware department or software section.

I like to read Rumi with a view.

How come it’s always peacocks and never poococks?
Cuz cocks pee, don’t poo.

Are you on drugs? – No, just marijuana.

I may have lost most of my feathers
but I’m still petaling on.

Rulers are meant to be broken.

Looking for the light
is like the mirror looking for its surface.

What country do bees come from? – The Polli Nation.

Of course I’m stoned
I’m the son of a stone mason.

– Smith, 12.20.2015



and the Devil laughed

Saturday, December 19th, 2015


Status Report 142

Tried to sell my soul
to the Devil at the crossroads at midnight
and the Devil just laughed

He said in your dreams o moldy one
maybe on some slow bargain bin Monday
in a box store blue light special

And sheeeit
why should I bargain or pay
for what might be mine anyway?

– Smith, 12.19.2015

Today, Saturday December 19, from 11am to 12:30pm, Lady K is hosting her 10th equinox/solstice open mic reading at the Cleveland Metroparks Canal Way Center, 4524 E 49th St, Cleveland, Ohio 44125.

Sit in wooden rocking chairs and watch the birds, squirrels, and chipmunks feed outside the picture windows.

This is in celebration of her latest online edition of The City Poetry, Winter 2015/16 –

Facebook event page –



Lady K’s latest issue of The City now online, open mic reading tomorrow

Friday, December 18th, 2015

Lady K’s latest solstice/equinox edition of The City Poetry – Winter 2015 – is
online at

just in time for her 10th equinox/solstice open mic Winter 2015 Solstice poetry reading tomorrow Dec 19, 2015 from 11am – 12:30pm

Cleveland Metroparks Canal Way Center4524 E 49th St, Cleveland, Ohio 44125

This will be her 10th seasonal open reading at Canal Way


Lizard King licking with my lips

Thursday, December 17th, 2015


Status Report 141

It’s one of the bad days
and I gotta grin and wear it
for nothing else will do

I am a raggedy man
of mixed cloth with no discernible pattern
tacking against texture

Try to keep my Mr. Rogers face on
but here’s the Lizard King
licking with my lips

In creep of cold and winter darkness
if I meet myself coming in the alley
I turn right round and go

We seek the joy of well-lit windows
but it’s lay-away for later
no redemption ticket

– Smith, 12.17.2015



Schrodinger as quantum wave? or Sky God?

Wednesday, December 16th, 2015


cat and box

Status Report 0.2

Heard they dug up Schrodinger’s box
to see if he was still dead, or alive

Found his skeleton in shredded clothes
and one seriously pissed-off cat

– Smith, 12.16.2015


Schrodinger as quantum wave? or Sky God?


slice of Twin Peaks

Tuesday, December 15th, 2015


eye got my I’s on you

Status Report 0.1

Waiting car repair
diner coffee, cherry pie
slice of Twin Peaks

– Smith, 12.15.2015

Walked into My Friends Restaurant, told the new waitress I’d be killing time for an hour with coffee and pie. She said fine.

Had blueberry. Endless coffee. Excellent.

Flashed on Agent Cooper and Twin Peaks, decided on homage but couldn’t remember what pie he had, turned to young waitress, said you probably don’t know what pie the FBI agent ordered in Twin Peaks . . . no way . . . I felt cherry but logic said apple so ordered some – she came back, said sorry, no apple, said fine, make it cherry, and it was good.

Get home after $350 muffler that started as $650, looked up Twin Peaks and bingo – cherry pie. Another successful collaboration with reality.

Went to Midas muffler and found a 2007 Prius factory muffler was $650. Our last muffler from Conrad Tires 17 months ago was $300. Asked about the difference. He showed me the underside, the muffler pipe had corroded, the 4 bolts holding front pipe to rear were gone (how does one lose 4 theoretically tightened nuts and bolts in 17 months?), and the pipe hanging down had cracked where it entered the muffler. He explained Conrad used off factory parts and offered 12 month warranty whereas his quote was for a factory muffler with lifetime warranty.

Called Conrad, said they’d put new one on for $350. Told Midas I no longer trusted Conrad but due to finances had to go cheap, so he offered an off factory muffler with 12 month warranty at matching price.

This is the second time Conrad has failed us. Had front wheel bearings put in 18 months ago and they forgot to put our wheel deflectors back on – they claimed there were none, but Toyota dealer shows them in our maintenance records, and considering Conrad put our last muffler on wrong and it rattled and we went back to get it silenced and they tried and failed and shrugged and said that happens sometimes when you don’t use the factory muffler, I guess I’ll side with the dealer on this one – who unfortunately informed us the other front wheel bearings Conrad installed will eventually go as well . . .which means we’ll be spending $2,000 to redo work Conrad did less than two years ago.

These are just my experiences with Conrad, of course, but sadly they are my experiences. I was a fan of theirs years ago, recommended them to folk, but no more.



wishing for angels while eating the devil’s cake

Monday, December 14th, 2015


Status Report 0

what’s in, what’s out, what’s me, what’s you?

Dang bug durned if I know

Here’s some clues, a bit of spews
and news about within without

I’ll be your scout, go far out
walk the edge, weigh inner wedge

See what’s worth a shout
or whisper

Send back bits of outs and inns
short reports from the bargain bins

A word hanger worth my pulp
depending on the angle read

And when you cry “These aren’t poems”
I’ll reply you’re right, they’re status reports

A bit of wishing for angels
while eating the devil’s cake

Or broke bean soup for take out

– Smith, 12.14.2015



to dance the cat dance of press press paw paw

Sunday, December 13th, 2015

queenmandycatQueen Mandycat

Status Report 140

Happiness is a cat
slow stepping on a plush blanket
soft unfolded
to dance the cat dance of press press paw paw
purr so pure it’s heard across the room
in step purr sway
step purr sway
tail slow wave
purr please
eye squeeze tight
narrowing in pleasure
of slow pad pad left
slow pad pad right
claws low nick

– Smith, 12.13.2015



in spin and spun respin unspun

Saturday, December 12th, 2015


Status Report 139

Foot by foot step by step
stair by stair by rung by ladder
by golly gee wrinkleskin
for days to years decades millennia
we get up, we go round
we do, we undo, we redeed our done
in spin and spun respin unspun
half toe forward full finger back
we hack this trek of daily track
till light relaxed to bed and slack
where sleep redeems our scheme in dream
while gittyup re-gets its steam
to back around
rolling rock upclown again
for we are Sisyphus
and this is silly stuff
we do
we do
we do
renew redone repeat

– Smith, 12.12.2015

coffeeroundcoffee cosmos


eat anyway cuz costs money

Friday, December 11th, 2015


Status Report 138

Making oatmeal
pick up bottle vanilla to add capful
see it’s flip-top, not unscrew
must be new bottle
pour in dollop
it’s 4/5’s empty
not new bottle
read label
orange extract.

Tastes off
orange and oatmeal gruel not cool companions.

Eat anyway cuz costs money.

– Smith, 12.11.2015



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