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...and they lived happily ever after. Smith & Lady: poets, artists, photographers & adventurers.
Our relationship was forged to the soundtrack of Yoko Ono's magic,
frenetic, love-laden song, "Walking On Thin Ice." ( play song )
 
   
 
 

Archive for the ‘bad taste’ Category

OF TWEETS AND TWATS

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

“You know where tweets would work, don’t you?,” Smith asks.

“I think tweets would work in twats,” I say.

“Why don’t you explore that more?” he says. “You could have some porno tweets. You could call them your twat tweets. I think you have something there. But actually, I meant tweets would work among family members cuz they don’t talk enough. Those little useless one-liners would give family members more information.”
 
. . .
 
“Have you ever thought about the carrying capacity of Earth?”
 
“Why yes,” I say. “I have thought of it quite frequently. Ever since I read Jonathan Swift’s parody where he advocates the English eat Irish children.”
 
. . .
 
On the theme of tweets & twats, here is a Mother Goose nursery rhyme I found for collage material:
 
LITTLE PUSSY
 
I like little Pussy,
  Her coat is so warm,
 
And if I don’t hurt her
  She’ll do me no harm;
 
So I’ll not pull her tail,
  Nor drive her away,
 
But Pussy and I
  Very gently will play.
 
 
WORD OF THE DAY DEPARTMENT
 
“My myrmidons shall mutiny,” I tell Smith. *

“Am I your myrmidon?” Smith asks?

“No, I’m your myrmidon.”

“Off with your clothes. You have to obey me. Off.”
 
 
*Myrmidon:
1. (Capitalized) A member of a warlike Thessalian people who followed Achilles on the expedition against Troy.
2. A loyal follower, especially one who executes orders without question
 
. . .
 
LATER…
 
“You’re not my myrmidon,” Smith sez. “You’re supposed to have your fvcking clothes off. You’re supposed to obey my orders without question.”
 
Lady

 

ad add

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

thrills — foto by Smith

In the 1960s a typical hour-long American TV show consisted of 51 minutes of programming and 9 minutes of advertisements.

Today’s hour show has 42 minutes of show and 18 minutes of ads, while a 30-minute show now includes 22 minutes of programming, 6 minutes of national advertising, and 2 minutes of local ads. This means an hour show is 30% advertising, while a half hour show is 27% ads.

And that’s not factoring in the in-show placement ads where the characters openly drink Coke and eat McFat burgers.

Of course the ad king is the yearly Super Bowl which attracts 90 million people and charges $2,700,000 for a 30 second ad – that’s NINETY THOUSAND DOLLARS A SECOND. Wow!!! Ninety million couch potatoes simultaneously watching someone else exercise – it boggles the mind, fattens the body.

Here are the 15 TV shows with the most expensive advertisement rates currently on the air according to Forbes.com.

TV show — cost of 30 second ad — weekly viewers
—————————————————————————–
American Idol — $623,000 — 25.6 million
24 — $366,000 — 11.7 million
Desperate Housewives — $251,000 — 15.2 million
Two and a Half Men — $227,000 — 14.1 million
Grey’s Anatomy — $224,000 — 13.4 million
Dancing with the Stars: Results — $205.000 — 16.8 million
Survivor: Gabon — $204,000 — 12.9 million
CSI — $201,000 — 18.2 million
Dancing with the Stars — $196,000 — 19.8 million
Brothers and Sisters — $195,000 — 10.1 million
Heroes — $194,000 — 7.9 million
House — $188,000 — 11.9 million
Worst Week — $174,000 — 9.3 million
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition — $169,000 — 10.5 million
Private Practice — $162,000 — 8.5 million

That comes out to $3,579,000 per 30 seconds for these 15 shows, or at least $42,948,000 per half hour for the 15 plus whatever they get for the two local ads each half hour.

I haven’t even heard of 6 of these shows and am proud to say I haven’t watch ANY of them. Don’t even own a TV. And I have NEVER stooped to watching the Super Bowl. Mom and I always used the Super Bowl to go downtown to the movies because the theaters would be empty.

An interesting side-bar to this ad mess is any show from the 1960s that is being rerun now has 9 minutes cut from the show so they can add more ads. That means some idiot is deciding which 9 minutes of plot, dialogue, jokes, drama, laughs, etc to cut so they can get you to eat more McFat.

Greed is destroying our creed and our breed.

Here are three old anti-TV poems of mine about the bad taste TV leaves in my mind:

~ ~ ~
T.V.O.D

The forgotten blindfold
acts on obsession
rides crooked trail
sweet smells success
hides blood money
warriors pit

(oh yea
it’s true
it’s true
it’s all true
even the lies
for)

Lies true speed colors night
graphics violence

~ ~ ~

In the Temple of the Echo

In the Temple of the Echo
in the moment of the mind
in the error of the airwaves
in the arrows of the kind
lies a hurting healing
taking pleasure to the tried
from forgotten shadows
on the ladders of the blind

Oh take me to your leader
to the maker of this slime
and at their feet I’ll wallow
worshiping the awful
waste their shallow taste
brings life’s kine
Sheep sadly settled
graze government gray
cheap badly saddled
approved payments pay
in first born chattel
less than cattle
while TV mentals
televise mime
breaking elemental
rights of mine
mind to mind

Hey in there . . .
anybody home?

~ ~ ~

I’m For Falling

Whining want weeps
Its winning way
From fool tool TV
Via too much tit
And botoxed brain
Showing shallow twits
In xeroxed pain
Damn little give
Whole lotta take
Turning from sun
To burning lake

I’m for falling
Falling down
Falling through air
Calling cloud
Free from err
Free from want
From wanting more
Free of lust
Of money whore
Free to trust
The ever more


resist — foto by Smith

 

unnotable notes

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

Mexican cake icing – foto by Smith

“Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.” William Congreve

I’ve heard a lot of good Mexican music, but none of it in our 15 months in Mexico. Down there the best I heard was Cuban jazz. Most Mexican music we heard was Mariachi horns, pumping oompa-oompa accordions, the soap operatic wailing whining vocal pyrotechnics ala our current popular overwrought diva wave of Celine Dions and Mariah Careys, and clumsy over-produced counterfeit country music.

The CIA has been using American music as a torture device to break the spirit and minds of the “enemy combatants” they’ve illegally kidnapped and are torturing and murdering in Guantanamo Bay Prison. Perhaps our CIA should switch to Mexican music instead.

Here in no particular odor is a list of American music the CIA has used to torture:

AC/DC (“Hells Bells,” “Shoot to Thrill”)
Aerosmith
Barney the Dinosaur (theme song)
Bee Gees (“Stayin’ Alive”)
Britney Spears
Bruce Springsteen (“Born in the USA”)
Christina Aguilera (“Dirrty”)
David Gray (“Babylon”)
Deicide
Don McLean (“American Pie”)
Dope (“Die MF Die,” “Take Your Best Shot”)
Dr. Dre
Drowning Pools (“Bodies”)
Eminem (“Kim,” “Slim Shady,” “White America”)
Lil’ Kim
Limp Bizkit
Matchbox Twenty (“Gold”)
Meat Loaf
Metallica (“Enter Sandman”)
Neil Diamond (“America”)
Nine Inch Nails (“March of the Pigs,” “Mr. Self Destruct”)
Prince (“Raspberry Beret”)
Queen (“We Are the Champions”)
Rage Against the Machine (“Killing in the Name”)
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Saliva (“Click Click Boom”)
The “Sesame Street” theme song
Tupac (“All Eyes on Me”)

[ thanks to Peter Ball of the music group Apartment One for sending me this list, which he got from “Music As Torture” By Terry Teachout, Wall Street Journal, 2-14-2009 ]


Mexican cake icing – foto by Smith

 

concrete TV

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Concrete TV – foto by smith

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

According to Nielsen, the average American watches 151 hours of TV a month, an increase of 3.6% from last year. That’s five hours a day. WikiAnswers claims it’s 8 hours 11 minutes per day. Nielsen also says teenagers (12-17) watch 103 hours each month, while senior citizens (65 and older) watch 207.That’s a lot of tube boobs. Since Lady and I watch zero TV, some boob must be watching a lot of tube to take our slack.

I prefer to read books. Here’s one I recently found educational – a masturbation manual:


Masturbation Manual – foto by smith

 

unsavory searches

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

time – foto by smith

In 2004-2006, I mined my AgentOfChaos.com log files for odd, perverted and poetic search phrases strangers used to get to my site. For 28 months I posted the most interesting and odd in two found poems. Here’s a selection of the odd:

Selected UnSavory Searches

naked policemen having fun in the backseat
undeveloped vulva dog
hustler missing toes
dancing naked in the mind field light bulb
penis+womb+mom+son+stories
dog sniff lips
whipped horses dripping mud
glass penises in vase art
pics of old ladys missing teeth
dwarf rat born without eyes
giraffes ride my new skateboard
foreskin leash
dogsssssssssssssssssssssssssss
naked woman being eaten by a snake
serial daylite
armless female
BUREAU OF INDIAN STAIN GUARDS
naked mind golum
photos of nude women holding a big sunflower
how does a reptile polish his shoes?
testicles crushed by high heels
Women with big breasts minus nudity and pornography
people in giant sandwiches being eaten by dragons
old man testicle photos
absence of your presence clear like a fish wire around heart
Persian men want woman juice sex
asian albinos
budapest horse yellow statue testicles
what is wrong when you have green sperm
£í£á£ò£é£å£î£ë£á£æ£å£ò
i looked up at the sky and it bled white butterflies
+stealing +laundromat +panties
high heels crushing insects
fish frozen alive back to life
can dog testicles grow back
cigarette + toad + explode
bee sting belly bum bottom
buddha lie fallen fear return
weasel of lost wool

the entire poem is available at agentofchaos.com/searches_odd.php, but be forewarned – there’s a lot of sick, twisted, mean people out there searching for some pretty strange things, so you might need to take a shower after looking.


death – foto by smith

 

the killing floor

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

local artwork in a Oaxacan cafe – foto by smith

The USA has 761 military bases strung across a planet Earth that only has 194 countries on it – that would average four USA military bases per country.

The peak Roman Empire had 37 major military bases scattered around the world. At the apogee of the English Empire, the British had 36 military bases planet wide.

We have 761 active military “sites” abroad. For example, we have 106 bases in Iraq, 124 bases in Japan, 38 bases on the small island of Okinawa, 87 bases in South Korea. Who knows where the other 406 are.

The USA is also the largest arms dealer and seller of weapons of mass destruction on the planet – $135 billion of U.S. weapons sold in 2007, or 38% of all arms sold worldwide. Russia came in second with $68 billion, then France with $32 billion, the United Kingdom at $26 billion and China at $12 billion. That $135 billion we get selling arms to the rest of the world should cover one year of our war with Iraq and Afghanistan.

The USA spends more on military defense than the rest of the world combined – our Defense Budget for 2009 is $651.2 billion

The USA has bombed more than 50 countries in the past 62 years.

The USA has slaughtered over 2 million Iraqi civilians during Bill Clinton’s and George W. Bush’s presidencies.

Rather odd actions for a professed Christian nation. It is interesting how death and destruction always seems to follow God worshipers around. Welcome to the killing floor.

The base info came from http://www.alternet.org/audits/97913/the_us_has_761_military_bases_across_the_planet%2C_and_we_simply_never_talk_about_it/ . . . the rest of the data came from my previous blogs.

Killing Floor
recorded by Howlin Wolf, Eric Clapton, Mike Bloomfield

I should’a quit you, long time ago
I should’a quit you, baby, long time ago
I should’a quit you, and went on to Mexico

If I ha’da followed, my first mind
If I ha’da followed, my first mind
I’d’a been gone, since my second time

I should’a went on, when my friend come from Mexico at me
I should’a went on, when my friend come from Mexico at me
I was foolin’ with ya baby, I let ya put me on the killin’ floor

Lord knows, I should’a been gone
Lord knows, I should’a been gone
And I wouldn’t’ve been here, down on the killin’ floor

by Chester Burnett a.k.a. Howlin’ Wolf


Oaxacan artwork in a local cafe – foto by smith

 

 
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