Blog Home Agent of Chaos City Poetry Zine Buy Stuff!
...and they lived happily ever after. Smith & Lady: poets, artists, photographers & adventurers.
Our relationship was forged to the soundtrack of Yoko Ono's magic,
frenetic, love-laden song, "Walking On Thin Ice." ( play song )

Archive for the ‘zen’ Category

Lather levers

Monday, May 16th, 2011

As the therapist visited Smith this morning, I set my coffee on the lip of the bathtub and stepped into the water. I sat down and finished the black coffee in the cup, blue water in the tub. I curled up on my back like a fetus and wrapped my arms around my legs. My attention was drawn to a drop of water hanging from my arm, then to a gentle sliding down further into warmth, further down the tub. I felt bubbles coalesce on my skin and pop as I slid. I felt the soap scum from previous baths as process art, valued.

As I lathered, I wondered about how good people can actually be. I wondered about how good I can be, when I have difficulty even controlling my appetite, deciding to bike rather than use the car, etc.

I decided that I could treat my diet as a metaphor for hope that people can learn how to behave better. Possibly my project could be to eat no more than I need for sustenance. I imagined myself slimming down to a sylph, some kind of being sustained by spirit. I imagine myself not eating any more animals. I imagine myself eating as locally as possible. I imagine myself staying away from factory foods. I imagine invisible levers that extend from me into the wheels that run the welfare of the planet.

Then I’d had enough of the water even though some warmth was left. If I’d wait for the warmth to dissipate, my energy would go with it. I decided it was time to dedicate myself to my vocational hours. I thought of that story I’d read of a Zen monk waking up in the morning as though tossing off his slippers–waking fresh and ready. I want to be fresh and ready for work. I am fresh and ready for work.



The razor and the glasses fall opposite ways the same time

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

What does cinnamon taste like? Because you know, all I’ve ever tasted is cloves. I’d really like to know what cinnamon tastes like, then maybe I’ll understand it as a fundamental taste, something entirely of its own essence, much like cloves.

They say some people see the rainbow as wavelengths. But you know, for me, it’s fundamentally RGB. How do bees see? Is it all ultraviolet, hope, or esp?

What I’m trying to say is that the new holy grails are not to be had, that we’re blunt to perceiving new holy grails.

Imagine each flavor, cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, are distinct flavors, holy grail flavors, and once you’ve had them you’ve sampled a holy grail of a distinct flavor.

But is there another holy grail spice out there? A spice which is distinct, a spice that one has never had?

Or if there is a new holy grail spice, would I be blunt in recognizing it as a holy grail?



the lotus sutra and life on planet ours

Saturday, September 11th, 2010

looking up – foto by Smith

I bought a six dollar Buddhist chant in San Francisco in 1966 and have used it off and on but more often than not ever since. That was 44 years ago, so that’s about 14 cents a year so far. Not a bad deal as far as spiritual transactions go.

I’ve meandered a mite in my spiritual life.

I started off as we all do, a happy new-born pagan seeking life and love in the magic now.

But guilt soon crept in through being poor and different, and at the age of nine after a couple years of a small country church and reading way too much of the bible on my own I got down on my knees and prayed to God and Jesus to be saved and made clean and good and pure and whole. I did all this by the book as far as I could tell but I felt no answer, no burdens were lifted, and nothing seemed to change inside or out.

But still I felt I was technically a saved Christian because I had bent the knee and said the words so just in case I tried to do as good as possible as a pre-teen could, which meant essentially I lied, I cheated, I stole, and I thought about the naughty bits of females.

(I knew what a female breast looked like back then but hadn’t the foggiest idea what lay below the belt woman-wise. I even had one weird dream in which a relative was going to initiate me into the secrets of sex — she and I were in the barn and she was naked from the waist up but from her belly button down wore a wooden barrel because my mind had no vaginal images to supply.)

Eventually we moved back to the city and at the age of 14 I tried to convert a heathen friend to Christianity. He gave me Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged” to read, and together they turned me atheist.

Atheist slowly downsized to agnostic, and in the mid-60’s with psychedelic drugs and books like The Tao of Physics, The Crack in the Cosmic Egg, Castenada’s Don Juan, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and especially Aldous Huxley’s The Doors of Perception my agnosticism morphed more into a seeker of the mystic.

Later life left me skeptic, then realist, until finally I just learned to endure, — but a wisp of mysticism still overhung it all.

And yet no matter how far down or off I got or how wrong it eventually went, I always pop back positive whatever my current state and think some day some way it’ll be better if I just get back to work on it.

Your know, your basic endless cycle of yes no maybe do it again Zen when.

These days I’m more weary puppet not sure who’s pulling my strings but still have this sense that it’s going to get better down the line if I just get a little better at dancing on my end of the string.

If I had to choose a spiritual label, it’d be animist – everything has a spirit, be it human, animal, plant, rock, mountain, thunder, air – even machines, computers, ideas — and life seems to flow better when we respect the spirit of all, of each, of it.

And I still at least two days out of three use my Buddhist “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo” chant. I say it as a form of thanks to the universe, to calm myself down when I get angry, to try and make things go better when creaking bad, to align myself with the flow, or just because it’s a cool sound and it makes me feel a wee bit better.

But I’m chanting to an aware, conscious universe, not a she’he’it god person dressed in robes and rules.

I don’t believe in Heaven, don’t believe in Hell — unless like the Gnostics and Mom who believed Hell is our current life on Earth.

Anyway after all these years I became curious again just what my Nam myoho renge kyo chant meant, so looked it up. If I’m parsing it right, it basically means more or less to devote oneself to correct action and attitude of the mystic law governing invisible life manifesting itself in tangible form via the Lotus flower lesson of birthing and seeding cause and effect simultaneously as we learn to rise unblemished from the muddy swamp around us as we each manifest our own Buddhahood within.

This of course is an extremely simplistic and perhaps incorrect summation of the online information listed below – but hey, I’m doing the best I can here.

So though I don’t pray or believe in a God Person, I do talk to a Conscious Universe and give thanks and ask for its help, direction and suggestions.

Even though my actual words and beliefs differ from the churches and temples and cults and witches and pagans around me, my actions may look awfully similar to anyone watching.

Guess I’m a non-believing believer, or a believing non-believer.

All I know is the universe is interactive, a belief reinforced by my own life experience and what I’ve learned of Quantum Mechanics. How you act helps decide how reality reacts. Sometimes a good attitude and a sense of humor and maybe a chant of thanks help the flow glow rather than growl.

But there ain’t no guarantees, because there are other times Life and the Universe and the All Around just plain ignores you or even decides to stomp the living it out of you.

Life’s a Quantum Wave of Possibility, and what you think and see and perceive and act and ask and expect can alter it in your favor, while what others see and hear and say can help collapse it all against you, so we’re all in a collaborative war to create this current heaven hell hologram of happenstance called life on Earth.

And we need to be doing a better job of it because things are getting sticky wicket icky and we need to start being nicer to ourselves, each other, and the planet.

~ ~ ~

(from the internet)


The invocation of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo was established by Nichiren Daishonin on April 28, 1253. Having studied widely among all the Buddhist sutras, he had concluded that the Lotus Sutra contains the ultimate truth of Buddhism: that everyone without exception has the potential to attain Buddhahood. The title of the Lotus Sutra in its Japanese translation is Myoho-renge-kyo. But to Nichiren, Myoho-renge-kyo was far more than the title of a Buddhist text, it was the expression, in words, of the Law of life which all Buddhist teachings in one way or another seek to clarify. What follows is a brief and unavoidably limited explanation of some of the key concepts expressed by this phrase.


The word nam derives from Sanskrit. A close translation of its meaning is “to devote oneself.” Nichiren established the practice of chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo as a means to enable all people to put their lives in harmony or rhythm with the law of life, or Dharma. In the original Sanskrit, nam indicates the elements of action and attitude, and refers therefore to the correct action one needs to take and the attitude one needs to develop in order to attain Buddhahood in this lifetime.


Myoho literally means the Mystic Law, and expresses the relationship between the life inherent in the universe and the many different ways this life expresses itself. Myo refers to the very essence of life, which is “invisible” and beyond intellectual understanding. This essence always expresses itself in a tangible form (ho) that can be apprehended by the senses. Phenomena (ho) are changeable, but pervading all such phenomena is a constant reality known as myo.


Renge means lotus flower. The lotus blooms and produces seeds at the same time, and thus represents the simultaneity of cause and effect. The circumstances and quality of our individual lives are determined by the causes and effects, both good and bad, that we accumulate (through our thoughts, words and actions) at each moment. This is called our “karma.” The law of cause and effect explains that we each have personal responsibility for our own destiny. We create our destiny and we can change it. The most powerful cause we can make is to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo; the effect of Buddhahood is simultaneously created in the depths of our life and will definitely manifest in time.

The lotus flower grows and blooms in a muddy pond, and yet remains pristine and free from any defilement, symbolizing the emergence of Buddhahood from within the life of an ordinary person.


Kyo literally means sutra, the voice or teaching of a Buddha. In this sense, it also means sound, rhythm or vibration. Also, the Chinese character for kyo originally meant the warp in a piece of woven cloth, symbolizing the continuity of life throughout past, present and future. In a broad sense, kyo conveys the concept that all things in the universe are a manifestation of the Mystic Law.

The definitions above come from the SGI-USA Buddhist Association for Peace, Culture, and Education at

Beware of – foto by Smith


Weather and News Report for the Citizens of the World 9/11/2010

Saturday, September 11th, 2010

Dear Citizens of the World:

I am hoping that September 11th is remembered as a somber date for this country and the rest of the world–that we come to recognize the genocide that we perpetrated in Iraq (over a million Iraqis dead), and that we make reparations. I do not know enough about what people may or may not be doing in Afghanistan, but I am hoping that we pull out of Afghanistan unless we can sufficiently change our philosophy to actually help all Afghan people.

Interesting info about bees and wasps: – turns out that not only bees benefit us, but wasps as well. I really like the name greensmith as I am now a smith, and I used to be a green.

Grunt work:

Checking the collective psyche…

Collective psyche seems A-OK as far as facebook goes.

Checking mainstream media…

9/11: Mainstream media is expressing grief over the disappearance of the World Trade Center. I hope the Mainstream media can start publishing statistics of the number of people killed by the US due to our outrage. I find these statistics disturbing and sad. (1 million Iraqis or more, from what I understand. I am hoping for fewer casualties from Afghanistan, and I’m hoping we can actually make reparations directed by the governments of those countries.) We allowed the looting of one of the cradles of civilization.

Checking marginal media on the left…

Alternet seems to have an appropriately conscientious examination of the situation, but I’m hoping for less fear and vitriol.

Speaking of fear and vitriol, I have difficulty reading lest it seem like commonnightmares. But I’ll check…

Interesting. I bet if some of the people who read common dreams start reading Fox News, they could resolve some of the vitriol and start coming together. Weird when left meets right.

Checking mainstream media on the right…

Very interesting. Foxnews seems to be picking up on the same stories picks up on.

I’m hoping though, that we can let the mexicans into this country without restriction, as it is my understanding that mestizos are bona-fide native americans, who are supposed to be allowed to cross borders without restraint.

Checking the elite media (New York Times)…

Apparently, there was a muslim prayer room at the World Trade Center:

I like the headline of this article: “Business Class Rises in Ashes of Caste System” –

German Identity is reasserting itself. I’m glad about this–I’m hoping for a candid self-examination by the youth who did not experience the conditions of WWI & II. I understand that seemingly homogenous populations have more of a seeming rootedness and xenophobia than what we experience in the US–I am hoping the US can become an example of excellence, integration and conscientiousness again. I know this is possible.

Checking the weather…

World weather report as far as hurricanes/cyclones/etc. seems AOK today although I really wish I could see the west coast of Africa and South America.

Severe weather warning in Greece. Hope it is much needed rain, but if not, that it peters out and goes away.

Adembe and love and respect,




Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Ponytails were killing us. My most excellent friend & I are solving the problems of the universe. The most excellent show maybe ever–“Red Dwarf…”

On Friday, the Red Dwarf ran into the Squid of Despair, a giant squid. The cast and crew discovered that everything is a giant, mass hallucination, that we’ve all been playing parts for four years in a GIANT VIRTUAL VIDEO GAME.

SO, now they find out who they REALLY are–and THAT’s the DESPAIR–the despair was that they found out who they really were…

AND, right when they were about to KILL themselves, all cast members lined up, four in a row with one bullet–the ship’s computer finally got to a high enough FREQUENCY where they could HEAR and save them.



Friends, we suggest that we buy each other’s organically grown sustainable smoothie very expensive cakes and artisanal food, get frequent behive hairdos, sans hair dye, at the beauty salons where the hairdressers are paid magnificently and enjoy their work. Exercise classes and spas. Sustainable capitalism–it’s a plan.

– –

I suggest free education for everyone, or paid education, whatever works. And a career of anyone’s choice. Some people have to go to school longer for their careers. Those people should be paid a wee bit more. OK, incentive. But not ridiculous incentive. I’m thinking: sliding scale speeding tickets, like the ones they have in Sweden. Getting rid of tax loopholes and offshore accounts. Staying local. Stopping all this weird international shipping except for cruise ships to one anothers continents. In the basements of the cruise ships, we could carry very expensive, fine cheese and the spices and coffee of the world. Gigantic, energy efficient cruise ships. Free energy? What was that thing Tesla was talking about? Hope it works. I would like to beam myself to the North and South pole if possible, and Japan. Coffee crops as well. I really like coffee from fair wage growers whose wages must grow more excellent.

Keeping the inheritance ‘stuff’ within reason, but making sure these rich people work doing art/music/artisanal food or whatever tickles their fancy and stimulates the economy in a sustainable way.

– –

Primed the pump last night and bought some local, organic food. Sharpened our old knives for only $12. Hope he charges more next time. Hope the family business has more business coming in–we are an overtly ethical business. Hope our book projects take off. I know all this will happen. I just, know… it.




Saturday, September 4th, 2010

Precedent kathy’s economic stimulus package – a prescription for today & possibly the future (albeit with tweaking and optimization):

1. If you happen to be near a flower shop, I hear the bees are expecting food next year and so buy a flower, think of a bee, and if you are wealthy, buy flowers for your entire house. I hear they are going to flower forever and ever.

2. I hear the bees have been heard of as ‘unhealthy’ in an outdated narrative, but I’ve recently heard an update on this information: there are some 15 or so new species of bees. I hope they are very good, sturdy, happy little pollinators and that they somehow magically know how to find their ways back to the hives. I anticipate that we shall eat fruit, good fruit, from now until the foreseeable future. I COMMAND IT SO. And the fruit will be wildly and widely available for maws of mass consumption, and will be very healthy and beneficial for the maws of mass consumption.

So, I command you to start eating 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day (if you have the money for it and if it is available in your region. I hear most regions do have enough food. I would like to assume so. If not, I COMMAND IT SO.)

Of the grocery stores, et cetera: I really don’t understand how a couple of red peppers can really equal the life of a chicken. How can this situation be changed so that healthy food is subsidized? GOVERNMENT: I COMMAND YOU TO START SUBSIDIZING HEALTHY FOOD FOR PEOPLE.

3. Cellphones used to have a ‘bad’ reputation. I hear that they are now in collaboration with our needs, and nature’s needs. Thank you, cellphones! We love you!

4. I hear more and more Republicans are finding that they really were right, after all, that they are decent human beings who put their mouths where their money is in terms of helping the poor with churches, in stimulating the economy ethically so that people can buy more locally-made, hand-made goods – this is my vision for the near future. This is my economic stimulus plan.

5. The rich people will dine on the most succulent, juicy, well-marbled grass-fed beef, served to them by wonderfully paid and happy craftspeople who work with food.

6. McDonald’s and its ilk will start serving healthy, inexpensive, wonderfully-tasting food, and will pay its workers very well, a living wage that will meet and exceed its collaborators expectations, 32 hours per week with full benefits and pension plans in reparation for the history of the business’s exploitation of its workers and environment. In turn, the workers will become very faithful advocates of McDonald’s (and its ilk). And their high wages and high health will help stimulate the local economies.

So, on some days, a person of moderate wealth might find that he/she would like to eat at McDonald’s or its ilk, and other days, at an expensive smoothie bar or expensive restaurant or vegetarian restaurant (I hear they are becoming quite popular.)

7. Artists: Did you know that anyone can become an artist? Sure, some of us are misunderstood, but–get this–in a civilized society with lots of cash flow, the rich people buy lots of art. They buy personalized items for lots of money, and so do we. We are rich people! Did you know that? All of us are rich.

We might not have the actual cash money in our bank accounts right this second–but I hear it’s coming! Has to do with that hand-crafted, ethically-produced stimulation thing. Yowzers.

8. Poets: Why are you giving away God’s words for free? You are so good. Buy each others books. I command thee. I command more people to start appreciating poetry–people who might not necessarily write poetry, but suddenly find that, wow, what a goldmine of nuance and love and reverence for life there is in those darned poets! BORDERS BOOK STORE: I command you to buy books from local poets in consultation with the people who know best–like Suzanne from Macs.

INDEPENDENT BOOK STORES: You are lovers of hand-crafted zines, recycled and reowned books, fine coffee environments, tee, pastries, plants, atmosphere, music, fine wine, et cetera. IN MY ECONOMIC STIMULUS PLAN FOR YOU, YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING BUSINESS, ONLY GAINING IT!

9. Back to the bees. I hear monoculture crops weren’t such a good idea. I’m glad they’re realizing now that they need to employ beekeepers for the local areas, and that most of the year (maybe?) the bees need to eat organic, varied, wonderful, varieties of food. Perhaps a patch of this food with a local beekeeper could be employed in every area that needs one? And that the use of pesticides is suddenly found to not be necessary, or that somehow, it is in coordination with the health needs of pollinating insects? Seems like local beekeepers would be a good jobs program to me.
– – –
I imagine that this plan will require some tweaking, but it sounds like a good start and good vision to me. What do you all think?


Judgement Day

Sunday, August 29th, 2010

Worked on my projections yesterday to try and untangle some psychological knots. Very good to project what it is that I want for everyone, which is for me to not critique them or myself, but to know their underlying goodness. The most interesting part was working with the new house for my parents, which I am visualizing as a kind of Heaven on Earth for them (with my understanding that I should wish well for everyone, and not wish well for my parents at the expense of others, but to let this be up to the God concept of underlying equality and goodness between all “beings.”)

So yesterday I saw a ballet of grace played out depending on what my expectations and fears and hopes were.

It became a bit overwhelming, so I tried to give it up to my God concept and follow what I thought was the right thing to do, which was to not judge, and to just ask for the good and what I perceive to be as good.

At one point I took grandma to explore my parents’ barn and this like, little cottage on the property. I was worrying that by holding her hand, worrying about her tripping, I was projecting my psychic need for her to be old, or some such thing. But I realized that she is old, at least according to my perception, and that I could hope for her to not trip, but the responsible thing to do according to the history of the ‘illusion’ as I know it is to hold her hand, because I love her very much and if indeed she were to trip, I would like to prevent it. And I love the feeling of her hand in mine.

It’s been a constant battle of my ultimate will for a better me, a better universe, a better way to see, and at times it becomes frightening, because I worry about unseen ramifications of my good intent.

Visualization of important symbolism seems to be important, and exploring the weird wonderful possibilities that could be, such as talking candidly without fear about fear, such as taking that extra step to explore an area one would really like to explore… and to try to have faith that one’s good intent for oneself and everyone else is taken care of, but to also perform actions real and symbolic to carry the load one feels is appropriate at the moment.

The barn has stairs up to a loft type thing. I found some gold leaves. I took two of them, one for me, and one for Grandma. Grandma is someone I see as having a special tie to me. I have thought that we have a psychic connection, and this is what I project on to her and myself. I have been tied up in the Christ symbology/mythology, but I have tried to be ethical about my ego and to not seed this unless it needs to be seeded. (I believe we are all manifestations of Christ/Buddha/God/each other etc.)

Anyways, where I am going with this is that Grandma seemed to be constantly alluding to my Christ visualization of myself, which I tried not to encourage with words but I’m sure I projected that image onto everyone yesterday. When I gave her the gold leaf, she said it was like Christmas. I can’t quite remember the other allusions she made to me yesterday, but they were Christ allusions.

In the cottage, we found a big carpet, which was dirty. Grandma was talking about taking the carpet and putting it under the dining room table. On the carpet, we saw a weird thing that looked like a giant kitchen implement–I don’t know the name of the implement–I think it is used to thrash eggs or some such thing. Grandma said it is used to thrash carpets, to beat dust out of them. So I started teasing the carpet, hitting it with the thrasher. I said we could hang the carpet from the barn and clean it. But that seemed like a lot of work to me, so I revised my thought to something more logical, which was that Mom and Dad could possibly think about renting a machine to clean the carpet and bring it into the house, under the dining room table.

On the carpet, we also found two rolled up smaller carpets. (Carpet symbolism is important to me as I have asked for magic carpet rides.) I thought, “is it appropriate for me to ask my parents about putting these carpets in their new home?” But then I thought, well, it would be very nice for them, as were I them, I would like the carpets. So I gave the smaller carpet for my grandma to carry, and I gave the larger carpet to myself to carry, and I tried to not worry about her falling, as she is often taking loads upon herself and most likely she would not fall.

Other very interesting things happened in the cottage, but I don’t feel like going into them now.

Into the cottage walked my husband and the family friend. Grandma and I mosied around for a while, and I was fearful about my husband feeling a bit neglected by me at the expense of my concern for grandma. But I am trying to not project the feeling of neglection upon my husband, just trying to do the things I should do to respect him as my husband concept, as I love him very much and have met in him God (concept) for the first time and like, the ultimate Friend/Companion/Mentor who I’ve always wished for.

Grandma and I were carrying these small carpets. Up came this new ponytail dude and his gentle wife, my parents’ friends who I first met yesterday. The ponytail dude was very nice and seemed to want to take care of my grandma. So I let him, seeing him as an extension of myself who would do logical things to help my grandma along so that she wouldn’t fall, etc. (I worry but am trying to not project need onto others, although I think it is responsible to do what one can do to help the seemingly needy.)

The ponytail dude was eating an apple–said there was an apple and peach tree behind the cottage. I thought about bringing my grandma through the lawn to the trees as I want her to be able to experience as much nature as possible, but she was already making her way down the path back to the house, carpet in arms, with the ponytail dude. Steve, however, was right there, and it seemed appropriate for us to go look at the trees. I wanted to try an apple or a peach.

As I am experiencing the Christ/Eve ‘complex’ (I was born on Christmas Eve and have always recognized a Christ ‘complex’ within myself)–I was worried about the ‘Eve’ part of this, but a large part of my philosophy as of late is to shift my perspective to try to expect good things within reason, and to not fear, and to ask my God concept what the right thing to do is.

The peach tree was not suitable. The peaches were not yet ripe, and Steve said they have ‘blight.’

The apples, on the other hand, looked very good. Well, a lot of them had insect holes/mars/etc., but they seemed good to me. Yet I was worried about the underlying implications of eating an apple in this ‘state’ which I understand as a spiritual journey/contact with the divine. “I” let everything be up to “Steve” – ironically I also see Steve as a male version of Eve. He is a man with a highly ‘feminine’ mindset.

Unfortunately for my fear at that time, I also see Steve as a snake symbol, which I can go into at another time.

I was worried that my eating the apple would unleash bad consequences for the world, and that Steve was the snake.

If Steve was the Eve concept, perhaps that would unleash bad consequences for the world.

If I was the Eve concept, perhaps I would be unleashing bad consequences for the world by messing with the apple and speculating about its divine nature.

I decided that I could see the apple as a kind of reverse apple–an apple that would reduce fear of about the nature of knowledge of good and evil, although I do not think it is responsible to abandon the concept of addressing the ‘bad’–more on this later.

Yet I felt that I needed to eat this reverse apple to help take away my judgement and rectify the myth of the apple/tree/knowledge/good-evil paradigm.

I think that yesterday was about fear, and about reducing fear, and reconciliation, and reason and faith.

Steve found a good apple for me. “Be careful,” he said. “It’s got a hole here and here, and pointed to two small indentations on either end of the good part of the flesh where one might bite down.”

I took a bite and recognized that it was a good apple, and quite tasty, maybe a Gala?

“Take a bite for me so I don’t have to bite down into the apple,” Steve said.

So I did, and got a nice bite and took it out of my mouth and gave it to him.

We walked back to the house and I ate the rest of the apple, but I wasn’t really hungry, so I didn’t eat down to the quick of the core.

I buried the apple in a geranium pot in front of my parents’ porch, and Steve and I sat on the porch for a while, and I realized that I was feeling much relief. The constant stream of data/worry seemed to be lifted, although if I ‘squinted’ my ears and thought deeply about it, I could still hear/see/feel my God concept.

Yet my worry about lack of connection seemed to be lifted, and like, this load that I’d been carrying about worrying about Grandma and Steve seemed to be lifted, and some of the constant stream of God-data seemed to be lifted. The God-data can be pretty relentless, but I think it is for the best sometimes, that it is trying to tell me there are issues that need to be resolved. Mostly the issue is about my fear and projection of fear upon reality, yet it is also about faith and balancing one’s responsibility toward the planet and toward the ‘individuals’ one loves and the rest of the perceiving entities of the universe. It’s about wishing well for everyone and doing what one could (can) within reason, dream and faith.



P.S. Earlier yesterday, I went running and asked a question of my God concept, who was throwing a constant stream of data at me, a stream beyond a reasonable doubt. I am ever skeptical of the ego/Christ complex ‘thing,’ but I said, “OK, God, how would I recognize that if ‘I’ am Christ? What would it take?” And immediately after asking that I looked into a store window and saw three Barbie dolls. The packages were a Holiday/Christmas theme. In the first package, I saw a beautiful Barbie doll dressed up in a Santa outfit. The other package had two dolls, who I didn’t stare at very long (I am every discounting the special when it regards myself)–but these dolls were also in Holiday theme. I was born on Christmas eve.

Weird, huh?


Work the inside out

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

To examine our intentions, we need to look at our aversions and wishes. I believe we all want a happy ending. This is why so many movies have resolution, happy endings.

I hope we can use the ultimate wish for a happy ending as a way to resolve psychological beasties such as wanting to punish people who we perceive as bad, such as the Dick Cheneys of the world. We have to realize that in the wrong circumstance, we could be a potential Dick Cheney or Hitler. They are examples of ego run amok.

The wish to create a Heaven solely for “good” people might be based on an incomplete understanding of the nature of “good.”

By accepting inequality and rejecting connectedness, “we good people” could inadvertantly condemn billions of souls to slavery to serve us according to “our” projected idea of Heaven, if it is split into a Heaven/Hell dichotomy. Metaphors: slave labor camps, wage slavery, excessive capitalism, prisons, etc. I do not want my heaven to come at the expense of some one else, but my conception of dichotomy might inadvertently create Hell. It is important, then, to not condemn those one sees as hellish, because those people could actually be seen as extensions of what any one of us are capable of in the wrong circumstances.

This is why the question of Heaven/Hell, the subconscious, cultural nuances, the shadow, and the innate ideal and hope for an ultimate good (one that integrates forgiveness and the ‘bad’) are so very important.

I am most familiar with the “Christian” framework of looking at things, and hope to resolve my anger at “Christians” in order to rectify the evil I have inflicted upon “them” by “my” projected anger onto them.

I have a theory that working the inside of the perceived/projected failed “parent” culture by adopting that culture and addressing its ills is a useful way to understand what it is “we” project and what “we” expect.

– –

Smith says that the quotes around I, we, you, etc., makes my message cumbersome to read. It is also cumbersome to type. I think it would be good for me to keep this in my mindset when I need it as I think it is the fundamental, underlying, collaborative reality–that of a mass, shared mind. However, I can understand his point of view.

— –




Thursday, August 26th, 2010

Play City of Wonder



Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

What is the best possible situation for all perceiving loci?


Copyright (c) 2009 Smith & Lady
Designed by Lady K