AD.

WALKING ON THIN ICE

shoulder arm


my 7 day old right shoulder replacement w/ 24 staples

A recent poem by Lady K.

~

Dry yellow pages and cool glossy lithographs
sheep, pastoral scenes, assembled figures in stately robes
blood like wine from years like vines
a finger of oil poured on the head and similar pastimes
of ancient lamps, mirrors and perfections
or the confused castings of blank arrows
side glances of Rubenesque faces
noble lips that pick at berries

Almonds from rods
nocturnes, starlight, sand and the purity of a concept of water
just trickles slacken thirst

God takes respite low in a cave, cool dirt clean feet
listens to Mother Earth sing fecundity’s forgiveness
speak low thunder
wild pagan violin

– Lady, 10.14.2017




chopped & channeled

Life with Wife 6

My wife’s out with two lesbian friends
while I’m at home.
Am I worried?
No.
For though I am a lousy lover,
I still make her laugh.

– Smith, 10.8.2017

~ ~ ~

Chopped & Channeled

I.

Back into the body shop
tomorrow
this time to slice open right shoulder,
cut a few muscles,
pry aside others,
screw a ball joint to my cup joint,
cut ball joint off arm bone
and jam a cup joint in its hollow
so shoulder’s upside down,
release some muscles,
sew others,
close up surface,
keep me overnight,
send me home
with new cobalt and chrome shoulder
to go with
my other cobalt chrome shouder,
cobalt rods in neck,
and titanium ceramic hip.

Maybe get a job testing metal detectors
flor Homeland Thuggery
since I’ve already set some off
with just the hip
so I’d be neck and shoulders above the rest.

II.

Ir’s said
if you hurt, you’re alive.

I must be right lively then
considering my years and tears.

Though too much joy along the way
for sad to add to much.

– Smith, 10.9.2017

Lady K eye tumor update as positive as possible

Lady K had a cat scan today to see if her eye cancer had spread. It tends to spread to and from the liver and lungs.

Her liver is clean, and they found a couple small spots in her lungs which they say are probably benign and nothing to worry about, but which they will keep an eye on just in case – and if it is cancer, it’s early enough to stop it before it gets started.

So essentially this is as positive a prognosis as one could hope for, especially since her eye tumor is a rare type of cancer (perhaps 2.5 cases in a million) and is aggressive.

So Friday they are going to partially pop out her eyeball, sew a small curved radioactive bead containing 21 radioactive seeds to the rear left side of her left eye, pop her eyeball back in, sew the conjunctiva closed (the mucous membrane that covers the front of the eye and lines the inside of the eyelids) and keep her isolated in a hospital room for three nights, then remove the radioactive bead Monday morning and send her home.

At some point in the next three weeks, the stitches will dissolve and her eye will open again. She’ll wear an eye patch until then.

Doc says her prognosis for killing the tumor is 95-97%. Since there’s no known cancer elsewhere, her outlook is good, and they’ll keep monitoring her monthly for 6 months then yearly through five years to see if it springs up elsewhere.

It’s lousy to get cancer, but since she has it, this is as good an initial prognosis as possible.

This will make two cancer survivors in our family. We did lose a third family member to intestinal cancer – our cat Mandy.


future hope – Lady’s 7 month-old niece Liberty Lynn Green

the in-sight joke

Conversation with Wife 33

On possible cancer in her eye, she sez:

Well, this is going to be interesting.
I have a tumor in my eyeball!

If they have to treat my eye with enucleation,
I want a cat’s eye prosthesis!

What did the clavicle say to the breast bone?
‘What’s necks?’

Why did the eyeball laugh at her tumor?
Because she was in on the in-sight joke.

Q: “What’s a tumor?”
A: “A massive inconvenience.”

– Lady & Smith, 2.20.2017

Lady was told Friday she has a large mass in her left eye. Have a Cleveland Clinic appointment tomorrow with Dr Singh, whom we are told may be the world’s top doc for eye tumors.

Not enough data and too many possibilities to dwell on – some benign, some nasty – so must await more data.

Scary. Yet Lady K’s taking it well – on the surface at least what with her joking, but I can see the stress creeping into her. I’ve been there too many times and know how inner worry quietly alters outer perception.

Could be cancer, could be not, could be surgery, could be not, could be lost eye, could be not, but the dark side of the prognosis research is grim.

Whatever – we’ll deal with it. She’s my sweetie.

Here are the doctor’s serious sounding notes:

1. Large ciliary body mass OS:
Small area of bleeding into posterior chamber.
On gonio exam (after dilation) small area of bleed inferior temporally – mass appears to be invading anteriorly as well.
Concern for iris melanoma.
Discussed patient with ocular tumor fellow.

2. Cataract:
Critical changes in the same quadrant.
Small notch in lens in same quadrant as the mass – lens coloboma?

3. Vit heme:
Small not affecting vision.

A more-than-possible cause is her cell fone. A Swedish study I read 11 years ago in Croatia found a high correlation between cell fone use and head tumors over the previous 20 years in major cities. But the coup de grâce was the rural statistics – since users are farther from the towers, the transmitting power inside the fone is turned up to reach them, and the higher fone power caused greatly increased tumor growth versus the lower-powered city fones, which in turn saw more tumors than before cell fone use.

Her in the US they keep saying the cell fone tumor studies are inconclusive, there’s nothing to be concerned about, we need more studies – but that’s bullcrap… according to the studies, cell fones almost certainly cause tumors and nothing can be done about it because mobile fones have became an essential part of world commerce and we can’t go back. So once again corporations are killing customers for profit. Gotta love capitalism.

posterior cervical fusion today

fuzzysmith

Going in for surgery this morning – a posterior cervical fusion. buzzed my scalp and took down most the beard to meake it easier on them.

They open the back of my neck, remove the back of two neckbones, cut off a burr bruising my spinal cord, screw two chrome & carbon rods to my neck, smear it with bone dust from my hip, sew me back up, and put my neck in a hard collar so I don’t go biting myself.

They may also being removing something from the front of my neck. Been told two different scenarios, so don’t know.

Have to do this because my arthritic neckbones are grinding against each other, bruising my spinal cord, causing my balance to be off, and leaving my fingertips about 10% numb.

Low risk operation, with recovery difficulty somewhere between the nothing of the hip replacement and the brutality of the shoulder replacement.

I already set off metal detecters.

unfuzzysmith

today: beekeepers 1 year, sober 25 years

slantsmith1

Considering I was supposed to be in the hospital right now getting ready to have the back of my neck cut open so the doc could go in and scrape protruding bone and cartilage from the inside of my spinal column before screwing two metal rods onto my spine, I’d say this was a good day.

It’s likely I’ll have to have the neck surgery in a couple months anyway after they rule out B-12 vitamin deficiency as the villain, but I’ve decided the reprieve is nice.

Today is our one-year anniversary of being beekeepers – even though our hive died off in February after nine months beekeeping, we still got the experience, plus 125 pounds of honey, which is a LOT of honey for a first year hive. Waiting for our new bees to arrive any day now. We had to burn the old hive, so there’s another $300 hive expense. Honey ain’t cheap the first year, need successive successful years to reduce the per year cost of the hardware.

Today is also my 25th year anniversary of being sober. No one believed I could be sober, nobody believed I’d live past 50, yet here I am 70 yrs old, 25 years sober.

I didn’t drink alcohol my first 20 years, drank responsibly for five years, drank like a fish for 20 years, now sober 25.

Status Report 203

Dear, I found the lost.

Your missing black nightgown is
on the floor
behind the black bike rack
in the shadows
to the left of the air conditioner
in the closet.

Shall I help you change?

– Smith, 4.21.2016

slantsmith2

 

Generosity

Generosity

Spring’s watercolor renewal:
wood buds, floods green
over winter’s pencil palimpsest
which is fading, fading, fading,
gone

The old king is here
again

~ Lady

my spine’s on my mind

mcsmith1

Strange pre-surgery preparations . . . carried two 40-pound bags of birdseed up the stairs . . . bicycled over to West Side Market for ingredients for two large batches of soup . . . three loads laundry . . . finishing up my Holmden Hill Community Garden sign . . . gather and send next month’s batch of poems/fotos/songs to Medusa’s Kitchen . . . all stuff I won’t be allowed or want to do in a couple days when I pain pill surf after surgery.

My spine’s on my mind.

Thursday I’m undergoing a laminectomy and spinal fusion . . . they need to scrap away mutant bone and cartilage that’s pushing against my spinal cord causing slight numbness and tingling in my finger tips, throws my balance a little off, and causes me to drop things.

They’re putting two metal rods in my neck to keep it from degenerating further (and maybe even make it better) . . . this will nicely complement my metal hip and shoulder which have already set off metal detectors in courthouses, airports, and Social Security offices.

I’ll be in a hard plastic neck collar for two weeks, a flexible collar for four weeks, and who knows when I’ll be functional again.

Not looking forward to the operation, nor the recovery, nor the worry both cause Lady, but it is what it is so what you gonna do?

Tired of my body being repaired, but grateful it can be. Now if I can only find a repair shop for my mind, one for my soul.

~ ~ ~

The Simplex Things in Life

From the darkness of my third floor window
I watch the traffic light below
go from green
to two seconds of yellow
to short red
whereupon the side street light waits 2 seconds
to turn 12 second green
before 2 second yellow goes back to long red.

2 seconds later
my 16 second red turns long green again
and again and again
night and day year after year
yellow red green
green yellow red
you can bet on the color
bet on the living
bet on the dead.

It’s simple
life is complex.

– Smith, 4.18.2016

mcsmith2

here comes Smith, the new Tin Man

spine04

I’m getting more body metal.

The doc’s going in the end of April through the back of my neck to scrap extruding bone spur and cartilage off the inside of my spinal column because the protrusion is pushing against my spinal cord and has bruised it.

Have had tingling and slight numbness in my finger tips since November, and I drop things, find my balance a bit off, and my nerves are stretched tight because of it.

They’ll insert 2 rods and some screws to stop my arthritis bone degeneration, then put me in a hard collar for two weeks . . . when the doc said that, Lady piped up, “Oh like one of those dog collars so he can’t bite himself?”

Don’t like being fixed all the time, but am grateful I’m fixable. Thank goodness for Medicare. And we’re poor enough the hospital will absorb what Medicare doesn’t cover, otherwise we couldn’t do it.

Forgot to ask what metal the rods will be . . . my hip is titanium, and my shoulder is cobalt and chrome. Doc says since I like posting my x-ray fotos, I’ll really like the rod and screws version of my head. Now when folks say I’ve a screw loose, I can show them the x-ray and say no, I’m screwed fine.

Status Report 199

One neck bone’s not connected right
to next neck bone jammed too tight

so Doc’s going in with micro knife
to straighten my serial spinal strife

going to add two rods and some screws
increase my metal density too

got one titanium hip screwed alone
one shoulder built of cobalt and chrome

two hernias covered with synthetic mesh
keep me from being tossed with the trash

my eyes have metal and plastic glasses
my teeth ceramic and metal for noshes

grass for my brain, love for my heart
help keep me from falling apart

so I lumber on in stumbling style
trying to reach one more mile

gotta live at least 31 years more
to keep my wife from the misery store

imagine my clink and clanking then
here comes Smith, the new Tin Man

– Smith, 4.4.2016

spine03

spine01

spine02

dark mass on right at curve pushing into white is going to go

time to check my warrantee

fallingangel

either Derek Hess or Hess inspired

Status Report 167

Caffeine and codeine
make for fine pre-sun buzz
thanks to broken knee.

Down the trail of broken bones:

Nose, five ribs, right hand, right wrist,
left wrist, right elbow, left elbow, collar bone,
big toe, left knee, small toes,
cracked pelvis, innumerable cracked ribs…

Time to check my warrantee.

– Smith, 1.28.2016

bonebreak