bird absurd

lady says, “I hear a bird.” i say “absurd.” she opens the bedroom door and yelps as a pigeon circles the room, then flies out the bathroom window. her yelp and the flying something weird wing noises startle the heck out of me.

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can pears wear pair pear panties to prevent bare pears? why do we say a “pair” of panties when it is a single item? or a pair of pants? a pair is two, you can’t pair one with itself. and why scissors with the plural “s” on the end when there’s but a single scissors? is one scissors composed of two scissor?

this came up from thinking how difficult learning spanish is for me – it’s all memorization, repetition, and lists of exceptions. but then i start thinking about english and can’t imagine how anyone would go about learning its endless weirdnesses. lady’s more facile at this – she loves learning, spanish is similar to the french she has, and she’s an excellent student with honed study habits. me, it’s been 35 years since i had to study, and my brain is de-wired… too much free radical cannabis-ization re-association past 40 years. but bit by bit i will learn. “never give up, never surrender” says the captain kirk character in “galaxy quest.”

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i want a get out of jail flee card. when the thought police come, i’ll hand them my get out of jail flee card and run away while they’re trying to figure it out. it’s best to run away before they get you in the car, downtown, or inside their buildings.

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told lady we’ll name our first son quark – quark smith. she asks, “why.” so if he goes into the military and rises up the ranks, he can become captain quark. “we can’t have kids – you had yourself fixed when i was 4.”

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i take a cookie. she says, “that’s not good for you. that’s not even real food – it’s manufactured.” i say it’s real food, it’s an orange cookie. “no honey, it’s a biscuit of death,” she adds, “i don’t drink their kool-aid, and i don’t eat their biscuits.”

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“we have met the enemy, and he is us.” pogo via walt kelly, 1970.