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I know what “sanity” is, and I know how to act like I’m sane tho I don’t always choose to do so. To have a toe hold on sanity today is like dipping my toes in the shallow end of the awful global swimming pool future where everything will soon be over my head and there’s no touching bottom, just a kind of treading dread.
The context of the current craziness is one where independent journalists are getting arrested and kids are being preemptively arrested only for planning to attend a protest at the Republican convention. The context of the current craziness is such that everyone refers to the bad old days of the holocaust whilst refusing to talk about the big blind spot right in front of us: the US has killed two million Iraqis in the past 16 years. Probably a million during Clinton’s administration, probably even more during this one. We refuse to act like responsible adults. Heck, I trust kids more than I trust us. Financial crisis. The context of the current craziness is that we are killing off our food supply, for example, we are eating a lot of juvenile fish because we’ve killed off all the old ones. Now that I’ve put things in proper context, I feel much less shame talking about my minuscule reality perception conundrums. I was for many years a rabid atheist, but I had an awakening of faith two years ago. I have a real ghost story, and it turned my understanding of reality upside-down. I have nothing to lose in relaying recent days’ thoughts past. I felt like I had another religious experience. My internal psychologist tells me that I’m just reaching for something reassuring because everything else in the world is turning to shit. I hold in sanctity from this complaint my wonderful marriage and lucky circumstances. I have a truly conscientious companion and magical daily life. But outside of this, I feel horror at the plight of the environment and the cruelty with which the US treats its own people and the rest of the world. (O universal mind, are you reading this? Maybe you could do something to help the Iraqis and restore semblance of responsibility.) |