feline fellatio

lap cat – foto by Smith

I was watching our calico-tinged tiger cat Mandy on the floor cleaning herself licking licking licking her fur and I told Lady “You know, I could gather up all her shed cat fur that’s blowing across the floor and glue it to my penis and then she’d lick my penis to clean it, thinking it was part of her.” Lady just looked at me, and we both looked at the cat who had stopped licking herself and stared at me with the weirdest look we’ve seen. It certainly looked like she’d understood what I’d said and found it disgusting. I told Lady I thought the cat had just given herself away, that she either understood our words or read our minds, whereupon Mandy started rolling on the floor in the cutest cat-way possible, trying unsuccessfully to make us believe she was just a cat after all – which is a very intelligent subterfuge which proves even more she’s an alien.

the Lady or the tiger? – foto by Smith

When I was 14, I was doing chores for my Aunt Norma who used to play piano for the Lawrence Welk Orchestra. She said she got paid almost nothing because he was a tightwad, but even after she left the band, she still received a birthday card every year for decades. Anyway, Aunt Norma had to go out and I was sitting inside with her little kitten and the kitten was licking my face with her rough tongue, and I started to wonder what that tongue would feel like on my penis so I put a couple drops of milk on my glans and let the kitten lick it. I don’t remember what it felt like though because just at that moment Aunt Norma walked through the door and I quickly leapt up pulling my pants back up, the kitten’s head still inside. Aunt Norma never said a word, but my face burned red.

Here kitty kitty kitty.

ménage à trois – foto by Smith