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Not enough monkey business going on, way too much serious shoots sprouting unspring-like.

So, let’s lighten the load with some odiously odd and seriously silly headlines I’ve harvested from the news sevices these past three years.

With headlines like these, no wondfer Monty Python disbanded — they couldn’t compete anymore.

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Fish Fart To Communicate

Scientist Makes Poop Burger

Dog Gets Book Deal

Amazing Discovery Uncovered By Baboons

Cell Phone Keeps Ringing After Being Eaten By Crocodile

Bear Chased Off With Country Music

Kleptomamaniac Cat Steals Over 600 Bizarre Items From Neighbors

55-Year-Old Woman Saves Husband From Tiger Attack With Soup Ladle

Scientists Discover How To Store Data In Hack-Proof Bacteria

Father Knows Breast: Mother’s Milk Cocktails

Hong Kong Gets Nude Cooking TV Show

Promiscuous Squirrels Mate With 14 Partners A Day

Reindeer Get High On Magic Mushrooms

Nazis Tried To Train Dogs To Read, Write, And Speak

Brilliant Dog Understands Over 1,000 Words, Breaking Vocabulary Record

Snake Dies After Biting Model’s Breast Implants

States Running Out Of Smart People

People Are Allergic to the Facts

Are Humans Evolving to Be Dumber?

Artist Has Digital Camera Implanted In Head

Woman Addicted To Eating Couch Cushions

Drunk Driver, 32 Times Over Legal Limit, Arrested In Mercedes Full Of Stolen Sheep

Glenn Beck Wields A Chainsaw, Pets A Bunny

And for those of you who believe there’s no death after life, here’s da news wit da clues.

Dead Man Found Alive, Arrested

Woman Dies At Her Own Funeral

Dead Man Waking: Alive After 21 Hours In Morgue Fridge

Baby, Declared Dead, Cries Before Burial

Woman Falls Out Of 3rd Floor Window, Lands On Car, Falls Asleep

NYC Man Falls 40 Stories, Lands On Car, SURVIVES

Snails Can Survive A Bird’s Digestive System And Emerge On Other side…In Droppings

Dead Cows Cloned To Boost US Beef Production

And finally, we poets get our due:
Why Are Poets Always The Rabble Rousers?
Writer Killed Over A Poem In Iraq
‘Poetry Is a Dumb-Ass Spider’
The Poetry Foundation: Is Rap Poetry?
“Rap is short for crap”. – Gregg Allman