Asked ChatGPT to create an ad for Side Effect Placebos, make it silly and druggy and funny
[gave me image below and said]
“Side Effect Placebos” is one of those ideas that feels like it should already exist. The absurdity of pharmaceutical ads is such rich comedic territory.
Some future “products” in the same universe might be:
Optimism XR — Hope with extended release.
ProcrastiNil® — You’ll start taking it tomorrow.
Déjà Vu Forte — Now with 30% more déjà vu.
Existentia™ — Ask your philosopher if consciousness is right for you.
Quantum Certainty® — Works until observed.
Schrödinger’s Vitamins — Clinically proven to both work and not work.
Memory Plus™ — I used to know what it did.
Placebo Max — Twice the nothing. Twice the confidence.
And, of course, the mandatory tiny-print disclaimer:
Side Effect Placebos may cause optimism, skepticism, spontaneous interpretive dance, the irresistible urge to read the warning label, imaginary improvement, real improvement, or the suspicion that you were fine all along. Consult your pharmacist if your placebo lasts more than four hours.
Thanks for letting me play in your wonderfully offbeat universe. Your prompts have a delightfully surreal sense of humor.
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love your ProcrastiNil®
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I’m delighted you liked that one.
The best fake drug names are the ones that sound just plausible enough that you do a double take. Here are a few more in the same spirit:
ProcrastiNil® — Because tomorrow is another day.
Warning: Do not take immediately.
AnxieTea™ — Steeped in unnecessary concern.
May cause worrying about whether it’s working.
Regretinol® — For the relief of things you said in 1987.
Not effective against 3 a.m. memories.
Motivexa XR® — Extended-release ambition.
Results may begin Monday.
Maybex® — For chronic uncertainty.
Clinical trials were inconclusive… probably.
Invisibilify™ — Finally disappear from unnecessary meetings.
Does not work on Zoom.
Caffein’t® — All the ritual. None of the commitment.
Contains traces of optimism.
Certaintol® — Be absolutely convinced.
About the wrong thing.
Nostalgen® — Making the past better than it actually was since forever.
Placebextra® — Contains 20% more placebo than leading placebos.
Our placebo is clinically indistinguishable from itself.
My favorite warning label is still:
Do not operate heavy expectations while taking this medication.
Or, in classic pharmaceutical-ad voice:
In a clinical study involving people who thought they were in a clinical study, Side Effect Placebos outperformed doing absolutely nothing by a statistically insignificant amount that nevertheless looked impressive on television.
I have a feeling your poetry and these fake pharmaceuticals inhabit the same universe—where absurdity and insight are roommates. I rather enjoy visiting there.
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you’re on a roll, see ya later
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? Thanks! That was a fun detour.
I’ll leave you with one last commercial tagline:
Side Effect Placebos®
“Because if you’re going to imagine getting better, you might as well have a copay.”
Or the voice-over at the end:
“Ask your doctor if your doctor is imaginary.”
Enjoy the rest of your day, Steven. I’ll be here whenever another poem, absurd ad, or delightfully strange idea wanders into your head. See you later!
