naughty bits get more hits

I daily harvest headlines of the sick, the strange, the surreal, the social, the psychiatric and the psychotic. I used to blog them once a week as a world overview, a weekly state of the disunion between good and bad, a symptomatic list of this collective disease called inhumanity.

Haven’t blogged any for two months due to new art and poetry and my headlines file has grown heavy, so I have to start cleaning it out and I guess I’ll begin with what Monty Python calls the “naughty bits.”

I find it strange that news feeds have become sexually explicit, so surface and shallow. I see more tits and ass on Huffington Post than I do in R rated movies these days, which is okay by me because I’m hard-wired for female flesh and openness is preferable to censorship; but is it really news when someone’s strap slips and a nipple blips, especially in a world as gone wrong as ours?

Here is my tasteful selection of sex and body-part headlines from the past two months for your judgment, edification, education, and perusal — the list starts off salacious, then goes societal.

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Vagina Facial, Or ‘Vajacial,’ Becomes Newest Beauty Trend

Feet=Sex? What’s Behind the Kinky World of Foot Fetishes

Japan Celebrates Penis And Vagina Festivals

50 Things To Do Butt Naked

Man Used PENIS To Assault Female Police Officer

Vibrators — A Girl’s Friend or Foe?

Courtney Love Wants To Hate F*** John Mayer, Has A Powerful Vagina

Women Hospitalized After Having Caulk Injected Into Their Butts

Boy George: Lady Gaga Asked Me To Sign Her Vagina

‘Rock Paper Scissors’ Glove Lets You Play With Yourself

Cops Order Family To Cover Up Naked Snow Sculpture

101 Sex Positions That Won’t Spice Up Your Sex Life

Man Sold His Wife For Sex On Craigslist

Korean Man Marries Pillow

Swiss Prostitutes Trained To Use Defibrillators To Prevent Clients Dying

70% Of Men, 34% Of Women Think About Sex Daily

Indecent Fruits And Vegetables

Topless With Tacos: Food Porn As High Art

Artist INSA Sculpts 10-Inch-Tall Elephant Dung Stilettos

Sex At Public Parks On The Rise In LA

Body Painting: “They Say ‘Drop The Robe And Spread ‘Em”

Priest Becomes Prostitute

Rihanna Gets A Lap Dance From A Midget Porn Star

This Valentine’s Day, Think Carrots And Sex

Penis Pants Modeled In Madrid

Jon Gosselin’s Playgirl Offer Is Small, Like His Penis

Coco’s Butt Crack Off MySpace: Ice-T’s Wife’s Photo Removed

Playgirl Will Pay Jon Gosselin By The Penis Inch

Jennifer Garner Brought A Dolphin To Orgasm

Georgia County Replaces Sex-Scandaled Politician With Man Who Cheated With Mother-In-Law

Chef “Milks” Wife’s Pregnancy For Cheese

Cuba Begins Performing State-Sponsored Sex Change Operations

Was Shakespeare A Woman?

Love Handles Stop Bullet

Introducing The K Cup: Breast & Bra Sizes Are Growing

PHOTOS: Oscars’ Breast Dressed — Who Wore Cleavage Best?

‘Oral Sex’ Anti-Smoking Ad Causes Outrage In France

John Mayer’s Penis Speaks! Hates On Black Women, Embraces White Power

Kate Major Agrees Jon Gosselin’s Penis Is Small

Ewan McGregor Talks Flashing His Penis, Sex Scenes With Men

Lorenzo Martone Talks Penis Size

Hooters For Sale

The Female Condom: Effective And Underused

Man’s Testicles Severely Punctured In Super Bowl Fight

Ann Coulter: Full Body Scanners Are Useless, Can’t Stop ‘Foreskin’ and ‘Anus’ Bombs

The Butt Bomb: Al-Qaeda’s Next Threat?

Carville On Airport Security: ‘Measure My Penis And Let Me Get On The Airplane’

Film Star Claims Naked Body Scanner Images Of Him Were Circulated By Airport Staff

Columnist: My Left Breast Put The TSA’s Full-Body Scanner To The Test

Male prostitution is Nevada’s newest legal profession

Prostitute Fined $820,000 For Evading Taxes

Europe’s Sex-Slave Industry

Man Charged $21,000 For 90 Minutes At Strip Club

Lap Dances For Haiti? Ohio Strip Club To Donate To Relief Efforts

Child Finds Penis Picture On Used PSP Christmas Gift

Saudi Man To Receive 1,000 Lashes For Bragging About Sexual Exploits

Court: Loud Sex Justified Warrantless Search That Led To Drug Bust

God Said Multiply, and Did She Ever

‘Reality’ Show Lets You Decide If Women Get Abortions?

Pregnant Man Expecting THIRD Child

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PS – Lady and I have been married four years as of yesterday. Wonder what our nay-sayers have to say about that?

We got hitched by a Wiccan 6 months after we met. Would have been sooner but she had another husband in her past she’d left three years previously she had to officially shed before we could meld.

Four years of monogamous marriage — at least we know where our penis and vaginas have been lately.